


lost then found

by tatoeba



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, ex-boyfriends reuniting, minor side jongdae/heize, minor side minseok/luhan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-04 13:48:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11556498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatoeba/pseuds/tatoeba
Summary: Three years is plenty of time to get over someone, but when Yixing walks back into Baekhyun’s life, he realizes soon enough that maybe he’d never really gotten over Yixing at all.





	lost then found

**Author's Note:**

> written for the xingtomybaek fest 2017! this was a wild ride but i'm glad to have made it to the end! thanks to my lovely cupcake bianca for all the help and encouragement. i seriously couldn’t have done this without you. T__T ❤ 
> 
> prompt #131: "Baekhyun and Yixing are ex-boyfriends and meet at a common friend's party. Baekhyun tries to look as fine and unbothered by the other's presence as Yixing seems to be. But his ex's devastating perfection is making it really hard for Baekhyun to pretend he's over their relationship." 
> 
> i hope you all enjoy this fic! ❤

"Hey, where do you want me to put this?" Baekhyun asks as he hefts up the tray of tiny sandwiches and heads out of the kitchen.

Dahye looks over at Baekhyun from where she's been mixing a salad into a large bowl. "Oh, uh, just put it out on the table wherever," she says with a smile. "Thanks, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun flashes her a grin. "No problem," he says and he leaves to go do just that, winding around the people who have started to fill out the house.

There's a large spread of food laid out on the dining room table. Baekhyun has to move aside the lasagna and the pile of cookies to make room for the sandwiches. He surveys the table and laughs, shaking his head a little. Dahye went all out for the housewarming party, but he guesses that's what happens when you're a chef. He sneaks a cookie and stuffs it into his mouth, and he's still chewing his way through it when Jongdae comes up beside him, patting his back with a rough thump.

"I saw that," he says, laughing at the way Baekhyun chokes and coughs around his mouthful. "Did Dahye put you to work?"

Baekhyun grimaces a little as he finally swallows. "She just needed help transporting things," he says with a shrug but then narrows his eyes at his friend. "Why aren't _you_ helping your wife, by the way?"

Jongdae mock gasps in offense and says, "Hey, I've been out back putting up lawn chairs for the past hour. I've been plenty helpful." When Baekhyun rolls his eyes, he adds, "Besides you know how she gets when I'm in her way in the kitchen."

Baekhyun laughs at that, because he does know. He's heard all the stories from the past few years as Jongdae and Dahye went from dating to living together in Jongdae's tiny apartment to finally getting engaged and married within the span of six months. Now they've moved into a cute little house in the middle of suburbia and Baekhyun hasn't yet stopped teasing Jongdae about his picture perfect domestic life.

"You're just jealous," Jongdae shoots back every time, and Baekhyun's stopped insisting that he's not. He really isn't, at least not much. Sure, he wouldn't mind having someone to share his life with, but he's happy. Honestly. He likes his apartment, he likes that his commute to work isn't over an hour, and he especially likes the hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant just down the street owned by an adorable elderly couple who give him extra wontons for free.

As Baekhyun pushes his thoughts aside, he realizes that Dahye has joined them in the dining room, setting down the salad at one end of the table. Jongdae walks up to her and slides an arm around her waist, and she tugs at his ear until he whines, but lets him kiss her with a soft smile. It makes Baekhyun smile, too, because they really are cute, and he pushes the pang of loneliness in his chest aside. Now's not the time, he tells himself.

"Is there anything else left, Dahye?" he asks and Dahye pulls away from Jongdae quickly, waving Baekhyun to follow her back to the kitchen.

"Just take that plate there," she says, pointing to a tray of delicious looking salmon. "There's the garlic bread finishing up in the oven, but other than that, we should be good."

"That means we can eat right?" Jongdae asks, rubbing at his stomach and pouting.

"As if you haven't been stealing food off the table already," Dahye snorts.

Baekhyun laughs, shaking his head in amusement as Jongdae whines at her, and heads back to the other room. He just manages to fit the last tray onto the table without toppling anything else over and then steps back to admire everything for a moment. He grabs one of the sandwiches and ventures out into the backyard where Jongdae's set out plastic lawn chairs. He finds Kyungsoo sitting in the shade and scrolling through his phone and Baekhyun snags the chair next to him.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asks and Kyungsoo looks up from his phone in surprise.

"Oh, Baekhyun," he says. "I didn't know you were gonna be here."

Baekhyun frowns at him around his mouthful of sandwich. "Uh, why wouldn't I?" he says slowly. Kyungsoo is still staring at him like he's a ghost or something, and it's starting to creep Baekhyun out.

"You don't--" Kyungsoo starts, but then catches himself and shakes his head. He smiles, but Baekhyun knows it's fake. "Nevermind. It's nothing."

"It's definitely _something_ ," Baekhyun says. He's getting a little worried now. "What the hell is up with you, Kyungsoo? Is there some reason I shouldn't be here?"

Kyungsoo opens his mouth but nothing comes out. This must really be serious if _Kyungsoo_ is struggling to find words. Kyungsoo, who is always blunt about everything. Before he manages to say anything at all, Jongdae comes wandering out looking a little frazzled. When he sees Baekhyun he stops and says, "Oh good, there you are. You should just like. Stay there, okay? Don't go back inside."

"What?" Baekhyun says, staring at him in confusion. "Why the fuck not?"

"It's just--It's for your own good," Jongdae says.

"Okay, you guys are both being really fucking weird," Baekhyun says. He looks between them, but when neither provide a valid reason for their behavior, he gives up. He stuffs the last of his sandwich in his mouth and says, "I'm going now. I think I saw Seulgi in there, right? She's not a complete weirdo."

"Baekhyun--" Jongdae says, but Baekhyun is slipping around him and walking back into the house. He can hear Jongdae, and maybe Kyungsoo, following after him, but he forgets all about it when he steps into the living room and finds, of all people, his ex-boyfriend standing at the other side.

Baekhyun stops right in his tracks. At first he thinks his eyes are playing tricks on him, that it's just someone who looks incredibly like his ex, but isn't _actually_ his ex, because last Baekhyun heard, he's not even supposed to be in the city, let alone the state.

But then the man laughs, and even from across the room, over all the chatter of the other guests, Baekhyun hears him loud and clear, and it's that laugh. The same laugh. Yixing's laugh.

Baekhyun's chest tightens around his heart and for a moment he feels like he can't breathe. All he can do is stare as three years worth of feelings slam into him like he’s been hit in the face by a baseball bat. Anger, hurt, frustration, it burns under his skin all the way down to his fingertips. He curls them into fists at his side. Then, before Yixing can see him, he turns abruptly on his feet and runs straight into Jongdae who is standing behind him, watching carefully. Baekhyun grasps Jongdae's arms and hisses, "What the fuck is Yixing doing here?"

"I invited Lu Han," Jongdae says, nodding over Baekhyun's shoulder, and when Baekhyun chances a look back, he sees that Lu Han is there, making his way over to Yixing with drinks in his hand. "I didn't know Yixing was coming, honestly. I would've told you if he was, you know I would."

Baekhyun bites his lower lip and nods. He takes a deep breath and pulls his hands back. Jongdae is still watching him, brows slightly furrowed in concern.

"Is it going to be a problem?" he asks after a moment. "It's been three years."

Baekhyun clenches his eyes shut. "I know," he says. "I just--I wasn't expecting to see him. It _has_ been three years since the last time."

Jongdae drops his hands to Baekhyun's shoulders and squeezes him gently. Baekhyun flutters his eyes back open and Jongdae is looking at him softly, a little smile on his face. "If you want him gone, he's gone," he says, but Baekhyun shakes his head.

A little part of Baekhyun almost wants to take Jongdae up on the offer but he squashes it down. He’s better than that. "No, no--" he says, forcing himself to calm the fuck down. "He's your friend, too. It's--It's good that he's here, right? You haven't seen him in a long time either."

"Yeah, but I've talked to him since he left," Jongdae says.

"It's fine," Baekhyun reiterates. "I'm over it. Really. I was just surprised." He squints at Jongdae, then. "Were you really worried? Is that why you ran outside to tell me not to come in? Fuck, wait, that's what Kyungsoo was being so weird about, wasn't it? How the hell did he even know?"

"Yixing probably texted him. You know they still talk, too," Jongdae says with a shrug. He looks at Baekhyun searchingly again and adds, "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun says with a nod and bravado. "We broke up. It was amicable. I don't hate him or anything, so you don't have to worry about us getting into a brawl and breaking your furniture."

"Yixing would never do such a thing," Jongdae says. "You, on the other hand--"

"Hey!" Baekhyun yells defensively, smacking Jongdae's hands off his shoulder so he can punch him in the arm.

Jongdae just cackles and Baekhyun feels better already. He's doing his best not to turn back around and look at Yixing but it's surprisingly hard. He takes another steadying breath and says, "I'm gonna go find some other place to be, okay? As far from Yixing as possible."

"All right," Jongdae says softly. "If you need anything, let me know."

"Sure," Baekhyun says, beaming, and then he makes a quick exit back outside.

Kyungsoo is gone, and there's a few friends of Dahye's sitting around that Baekhyun doesn't know. He smiles and nods at them as he passes, takes up Kyungsoo's vacated seat, and drops his face into his hands, eyes falling shut.

All he sees is Yixing, standing in Jongdae's living room, his face bright in laughter. Baekhyun opens his eyes again, stares down at the grass. Three years is plenty of time to get over someone, and Baekhyun _has_ gotten over Yixing, he has, but something about Yixing's presence has thrown him off so much. Sure, they haven't talked at all in three years, and Baekhyun hasn't seen Yixing since he'd packed up the random knick-knacks that had accumulated around Yixing's apartment and said his final goodbye, but still. Baekhyun is over it. He _is_. He hasn't thought about Yixing at all in ages.

Maybe that's what's made his appearance tonight so startling. No warning, no notice, just Yixing Zhang walking right back into Baekhyun's life much like the way he did when they'd first met, all those years ago.

"Fuck," Baekhyun grumbles, rubbing at his face. He's got to stop thinking about this.

He slumps back in the chair, pulls his phone out of his pocket to check for any messages, something to keep his mind of things. There’s nothing. He frowns at the screen, staring at the picture of Mongryong, and decides he should take his puppy back home to visit his parents soon.

He pockets his phone and stands, heads over to the few friends of Dahye’s and introduces himself with a bright smile. The girls all smile back and easily welcome him to sit down and chat, and Baekhyun joins them for awhile, letting their incessant chatter and casual flirting help him to relax. He’s always been good at this sort of thing. When one of them coyly asks for his number, he just laughs and says, “Sorry ladies, I have a boyfriend,” even though it’s not even close to the truth.

He leaves then, muttering something about getting a drink, and returns inside. He doesn’t see Yixing anywhere, but he’s still careful as he winds around the place, stopping to talk with Seulgi, and then Kyungsoo again, when he finds him sitting at Jongdae’s piano.

“You’re okay?” Kyungsoo asks pointedly and Baekhyun nods.

“You know me,” he says brightly. “Nothing gets me down.”

Kyungsoo is staring at him with his laser-eyes so Baekhyun jumps back to his feet and leaves, because he hates when people can look right through him, and Kyungsoo’s always been too good at that. He decides some more food should calm him down, so he returns to the dining room, and picks up a plate.

He’s in the midst of deciding if he wants another sandwich or one of the salmon fillets when Yixing walks in. Baekhyun almost drops his plate. Yixing pauses on the other side of the table, his eyes going wide for a brief moment. Surprisingly, he’s smiling in the next, looking at Baekhyun with a familiar sort of softness that Baekhyun doesn’t expect to make his chest ache.

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says in that sweet voice of his. “Wow, I didn’t--I figured you’d be here, but I wasn’t expecting to see you, somehow.”

That makes Baekhyun laugh, easing out of his shock at being caught in the same space as his ex-boyfriend, and he says, “Isn’t that what I should be saying? I didn’t even know you were back. I, uh, I heard from Jongdae that you took that job in Atlanta?”

“Yeah,” Yixing says with a smile. “I decided to come back though. I’ve been crashing at Han’s while trying to find a new place.”

“How’s that going?” Baekhyun asks carefully, and he's surprised how easily he's talking to Yixing when his heart is pounding in his ears.

“Not so good,” Yixing admits, his smile turning a little wry. “I’ve narrowed it down to a few places I like, so hopefully soon I can finalize it all and move in.”

Baekhyun nods, finally decides on the salmon, and picks up a piece to set onto his plate. “That’s good, though I meant how was living with _Han_ ,” he says, and watches the familiar way Yixing’s eyes widen again before he laughs, bright.

“Well, it’s certainly never boring, that’s for sure,” Yixing says as he winds around the table and takes a plate for himself, too. He’s closer now, and Baekhyun has to turn to look at him as he speaks. “His cats might be plotting to kill me, and he has no idea how to cook, but I’m kind of used to being around people who have no concept of how to use a kitchen.” He glances at Baekhyun as he says it, and it’s obvious he’s talking about Baekhyun.

Baekhyun isn’t sure what’s the right response, honestly. How are you supposed to act around your ex-boyfriend after not speaking for three years? Baekhyun’s never been good at playing it cool. All his emotions show on his face, in the tone of his voice. He’s still unsettled by Yixing being here, being so close, looking so good like the past three years have been nothing. He doesn’t know what to do, so he takes a deep breath and does what he does best. He laughs and makes a joke out of it.

“Hey, I totally know how to use a kitchen!” he says, mock-offended. “I made perfectly decent ramen all the time.”

That makes Yixing laugh again, and from up close it’s worse. It’s like a punch to the gut. He’s still so handsome, even though his hair is much shorter than Baekhyun remembers. His eyes still curve into little crescents when he laughs, and fuck, how did Baekhyun forget about his dimple?

Baekhyun knows he’s staring but he can’t seem to look away. Yixing’s laughter peters out soon enough, and he smiles at Baekhyun with soft eyes. “It’s really nice to see you, Baekhyun,” he says, and he reaches out to pat Baekhyun’s arm. A second later, he’s pulling his hand back so fast it’s like he’s been burned.

Baekhyun, too, feels like his arm is on fire, even while the rest of him is drowning. Suddenly, he can’t remember why they ever broke up in the first place.

Except, not really. Baekhyun doesn’t think he will ever forget.

“You too, Yixing,” he says after a long moment, when the silence between them stretches on just a little too long. It’s the most appropriate response, not the most truthful. He’s not sure what he feels right now. “It’s good to see you, too.”

 

 

♦

 

 

The first thing Baekhyun ever remembers saying to Yixing was, “You have a nice voice.” It’d been the truth, because Yixing, when Baekhyun first met him, had been playing a cover of Chasing Cars on his guitar in the backyard of a frat party that Jongdae had dragged Baekhyun to just two months before Baekhyun was about to graduate from UCLA’s music program. Yixing, with his Gibson guitar and long black hair pulled up into a ponytail, had smiled at him in the dim outdoor lighting and asked Baekhyun if he wanted to sing, too.

Four years later, Baekhyun shoved an old hoodie into a cardboard box with the rest of the things he had left around Yixing’s apartment. Yixing had watched in silence the whole time. He didn’t smile at Baekhyun when Baekhyun shoved his feet into his Converse and looked back at him from the other side of the door. The last thing Baekhyun had said to Yixing had simply been, “Goodbye.”

It’s weird, thinking about it now, but that’s all Baekhyun seems to be able to do in the days following Jongdae’s housewarming party. It’s weird because Baekhyun hasn’t actively thought about Yixing in awhile. Things had gone back to normal, he wasn’t wondering what if, wasn’t looking back at old pictures of the two of them, or wanting to cry because he found one of Yixing’s shirts in his closet.

They didn’t speak for very long that night. Baekhyun had run away when it started to feel like too much. He vaguely remembers telling Yixing, “Maybe I’ll see you around,” because it seemed like the right thing to say. He didn’t expect it to actually happen anytime soon.

Running into Yixing at a Starbucks sounds so cliche, but that’s exactly what happens barely a week later. Baekhyun’s got work at the jazz lounge tonight where he plays piano and sings, and he knows he’ll need a little caffeine to get through his shift without passing out on the keys. He’s in line waiting to order when a familiar voice says his name, and he almost drops his phone in surprise as he whirls around and comes face to face with Yixing.

“It is you,” Yixing says with a soft smile. “I wasn’t sure, but when I walked in, I thought I recognized you.”

Baekhyun smiles back slowly, trying to relax from the surprise of finding Yixing here. Maybe he’s so tired he’s hallucinating. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon,” Baekhyun says, running a hand through his hair and cringing. It’s a mess, he hasn’t washed it in days. Yixing, in comparison, has his hair neatly coiffed. He’s cut it short, and it’s totally buzzed down at the sides. Baekhyun hadn’t noticed it the last time, but it’s really nice. He drags his eyes away, stares just over Yixing’s shoulder instead.

“Small world, isn’t it?” Yixing laughs, but then pauses and looks at Baekhyun carefully. “It’s okay, right? Should I have not said hi?”

Yes, Baekhyun thinks briefly. “I guess it’s something we’re gonna have to get used to now that you’re back,” is what he actually says. He gives Yixing a little shrug. “All those awkward moments running into your ex?”

Yixing’s smile turns a little wry. “I guess so,” he says, and then, before Baekhyun can say anything else, he’s waving at him to step up to the counter to order.

Baekhyun gets an Americano and gives them his name, but Yixing steps up to say, “I got it,” before Baekhyun can pay, adding in his own order as Baekhyun gapes at him, surprised yet again.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Baekhyun chides him, feeling weird as he tucks his wallet into his back pocket.

“I wanted to,” Yixing says kindly. He’s always been so kind. Even when it all ended, he’d been kind. Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say, so he just nods at him and they move out of the way to wait for their drinks to be made. “Are you busy right now?” Yixing asks him, and Baekhyun, stupidly, shakes his head. Yixing smiles at him, a little hopefully. “Mind joining me for a bit? I came here to work, but I wouldn’t mind your company.”

Familiar butterflies dance in stomach. It’s the kind of thing Yixing used to say in the beginning, that had made it so easy for Baekhyun to fall for him. He’d forgotten how Yixing’s most simplest sentences could sound so flirtatious. Baekhyun licks his lips and considers for a few long seconds. This is probably a bad idea but still he says, “I guess I could do that, since you bought me my drink and all.”

Yixing’s smile widens a little like that was his plan all along, and they find a place to sit near the windows once they’ve picked up their drinks, laughing at the way Baekhyun’s name is mispronounced and misspelled on his cup. “Every damn time,” he sighs, shaking his head as he leans back in his chair.

“That’s why you gotta give them an easy name,” Yixing says, turning his cup to Baekhyun so he can see the name _Will_ scrawled across the side.

“You don’t seem like a Will to me,” Baekhyun laughs despite himself and Yixing smiles as he takes a sip from his drink. He’s starting to feel less uncomfortable now, but he’s still on edge. He’s not used to seeing Yixing, being this close to him, and he’s cautious of Yixing’s eyes on him, of where he’s putting his hands, how he’s sitting, making sure his legs don’t stretch out too far under the table and bump their feet together.

All of those little things Baekhyun would’ve never thought about before are running through his head now, and he feels stiff in awkwardness, even when their conversation flows with a familiar ease that makes him dizzy. Baekhyun holds his cup in his hands, lets the warmth of his drink seep through his veins and says again, “You really didn’t have to get this for me, you know. It’s not like we’re together anymore, Yixing.”

“I know that,” Yixing says softly. He sets his cup down on the table, drums his fingers across the tabletop. Baekhyun watches the movement, remembers the way Yixing would do the same thing up his arms, his back, his sides, in the mornings to wake Baekhyun up. He takes a quick drink of his Americano and scalds his tongue, but at least it gets rid of the memories. “We might not be dating but, I was thinking...Now that I’m back in town, and we’ll probably run into each other more....Maybe we could be friends?”

Baekhyun’s jaw drops. He can’t have heard right, honestly. “You--You want to be _friends_?” he says when he’s found his voice. The butterflies are gone now, replaced with something heavy like lead, weighing down in the pit of his stomach.

Yixing tilts his head to the side, thoughtful, and says, “I never wanted to lose touch with you, Baekhyun. I know it’s not easy after everything, but it’s been three years, you know? I think we could be friends. Don’t you?”

No, Baekhyun thinks. “No,” he says, shaking his head, clenching his hands into fists over the table. Three years is a long time, and he might be over it, but he’s not--he doesn’t think he can do _this_. Not yet, at least. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I’m ready for that, Yixing,” he says. I don’t think I’m ready to be friends with someone who broke my heart, he doesn’t say.

Yixing stares at him, a little stunned. “Oh,” Yixing says, and Baekhyun drops his gaze because he can hear a twinge of hurt in his voice. “Oh, well, that’s okay. I understand. It was probably stupid of me to think we could just be friends again when we haven’t talked in so long.”

“A little,” Baekhyun admits. “I don’t--We can be _friendly_ , Yixing, but I’m not about to tell you all my secrets again the way we used to.”

Yixing runs a hand through his hair and laughs shortly. “No, no, you’re right,” he says, and this time when he looks at Baekhyun, he’s much more apologetic. “Friendly is probably a good starting point. I guess I should be happy you don’t want to kill me.”

That makes Baekhyun laugh more easily. “I can’t do that,” he says. “Who else would buy me coffee?” He pointedly holds up his cup and Yixing laughs, too.

“Speaking of which, when did you start drinking Americanos?” Yixing asks. “I thought you said it was like poison.”

“A lot has changed in three years,” Baekhyun says, and Yixing’s expression grows just a little grim.

“Yeah,” Yixing says after a moment, a small smile curling at his lips. “It definitely has.”

Baekhyun takes a sip from his Americano and says nothing. After a few long seconds of silence, he stands, chair scraping across the floor. “I’m sorry about--" Baekhyun starts, then shakes his head and settles for the easiest thing to stay. "Well, I guess I’ll see you again sometime, Yixing. Thanks again for the drink.”

He leaves before Yixing can say much more, heading back to his apartment. His conversation with Yixing runs over and over again through his head, and he falters back and forth between being too mean and being totally justified in turning Yixing down. How can he be Yixing’s friend after all this time, when Yixing hadn’t even wanted to--

No. No, he’s not going to think about that now. He takes another sip out of his Americano and winces at the bitter taste on his tongue. He still hasn’t gotten used to it, he doesn’t know if he ever will. Much like he’s not sure if he will ever get used to Yixing being back in his life.

 

 

♦

 

 

“I think it’s a good thing,” Kyungsoo says later that night at work. They’re on a short break in the back room of the lounge, sharing a box of pizza that their boss, Junmyeon, had ordered for them. “You should trust your instincts. If you think you’re not ready, then you probably aren’t.”

“Seriously? That’s it?” Baekhyun says around a mouthful. Kyungsoo gives him a disgusted look but hands him a napkin anyway. “I thought for sure you’d tell me I was being dramatic.”

“Yeah, okay, you were being a little dramatic,” Kyungsoo agrees and smirks when Baekhyun pouts at him. “But as much as time heals all wounds and shit, three years might not be enough. You used to look like a kicked puppy when any of us even mentioned Yixing’s name.” Baekhyun opens his mouth to protest, but Kyungsoo continues, “You guys had been together for so long, and you were friends before that. You can’t just pick up where you left off.” He shrugs a little as he picks up another piece of pizza and takes a bite. “I know Yixing moved away, too, which made it easier to cut contact, but I’m not entirely surprised he asked to be friends. He’d ask about you sometimes, you know?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. He didn’t know. His gut churns and he’s not sure if it’s because of the realization or the pizza.

“He never minded when you came up in conversation, not the way you seemed to clam up when we mentioned Yixing by accident,” Kyungsoo says.

“It’s not like that anymore,” Baekhyun says, feeling the need to defend himself. He remembers with clarity how Yixing had said he never wanted to lose touch with him, and he feels like a bit of an asshole for keeping his distance for so long. Sure, he’s not the only one at fault, really. If Yixing wanted to be friends, he could’ve contacted Baekhyun himself long ago.

“I know it’s not,” Kyungsoo says.

“But you still think we shouldn’t be friends?”

“Look, Baekhyun, I can’t make that decision for you,” Kyungsoo says. “I wasn’t the one in the relationship with him, I wasn’t the one he hurt.” He sighs, pins Baekhyun with a firm look. “I think you followed your instincts and said no, but you might want to ask yourself if you’re only doing that out of spite, or because you really don’t want anything to do with Yixing anymore.”

Baekhyun opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He sits back, a little chastised because Kyungsoo’s got a valid point. “Fuck, you’re right, I hate when that happens,” he grumbles and Kyungsoo just laughs a little.

“It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t think having him around is gonna be easy, or that you guys will like magically get back together or anything. But it _has_ been a few years, and even though he hurt you a lot, you’ve never...You never really hated him, you know?” He shrugs again, picks up a napkin to wipe the grease off of his fingers, then takes another slice of pizza out of the box. “I think you should do what’s best for you, but maybe just don’t brush him off so quickly, is all.”

Baekhyun sighs. Kyungsoo is right, he knows he is. He’s just not sure what to do about it yet. Being around Yixing has opened up old wounds Baekhyun thought had healed, has dredged up feelings that he’s tried so hard to lock away. Even now, if he closes his eyes, he can picture Yixing’s smiling face at the cafe, the dejected look when Baekhyun had turned him down.

“It’s just Yixing,” Kyungsoo tells Baekhyun after a couple of minutes of silence, but Baekhyun just laughs. Just Yixing, he thinks, is exactly the problem.

 

 

♦

 

 

Surprisingly enough--or maybe not surprising at all, once Baekhyun thinks about it--Kyungsoo is the one who leads Baekhyun to Yixing again. Days pass mostly uneventfully after that time at Starbucks when Yixing asked if they could be friends again; Baekhyun falls easily back into his everyday routine of sleeping in too late and rushing to his other job at a local music and arts studio where he teaches kids to play piano. He goes home at lunch to take Mongryong on a walk and then usually has another afternoon session before he heads back to the jazz lounge in the evening to croon ballads with Kyungsoo into a mic.

Yixing had disrupted Baekhyun’s life the way a papercut ruins your day: it stings for awhile and then it fades away like it had never been there. For nearly a whole two weeks, Baekhyun manages to push Yixing out of his mind entirely.

Then, Kyungsoo calls him on a Friday night after they’ve already said goodbye to each other at the club and says, “I know you’re just sitting on your ass and playing League. Come see this show with me.”

Baekhyun, who has most certainly _not_ been sitting on his ass and playing League, sets his laptop aside and says, “What kind of show?”

“They’re a new group from NorCal,” Kyungsoo says. “Sounds like it could be your style. Come with me.”

“Fuck, Kyungsoo, you should give me some warning,” Baekhyun says, even as he hauls himself off the couch. It has been awhile since he’s been to a concert, so he’s not entirely opposed to going, he just wishes he had more of a notice.

“Yeah, well, it was a last minute thing,” Kyungsoo says. “Lu Han said he had extra tickets because Fei and Victoria couldn’t make it.”

“Wait, you heard about this from Han?” Baekhyun says, freezing in place in front of his closet, one hand still raised to grab a shirt off its hanger. “Does that mean--”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says, because of course he knows just what Baekhyun’s asking. “Yixing’s coming, too.”

“What the _fuck_ , Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun hisses. He yanks the shirt off so hard the hanger swings back and forth and tumbles right off the hook and Baekhyun stomps back to his bed to throw the shirt down. “You know how I feel about this.”

“I do, and I also know you’re not gonna let Yixing being around get in the way of living your life,” Kyungsoo says. “You can’t stop doing things you like, or meeting with your friends because he’s back. You managed not to do that for almost a year after you broke up and before he left for Atlanta. You can do it again.”

Baekhyun opens his mouth to protest, but finds that, like usual, Kyungsoo has a point. He pouts even though no one can see him and says, “Well, what if I don’t _want_ to do it again?”

“Don’t be a baby,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s a concert. You don’t have to talk to Yixing at all if you don’t want, there will be plenty to keep your attention occupied. And besides, it’s not just the two of you alone, okay? I’ll be there, and Han, and we can buffer.”

“Why can’t Yixing just go find another concert to go to,” Baekhyun grumbles, even as he searches his bedroom for a pair of clean jeans.

“Because he’s our friend and you guys have always enjoyed music, in every possible way,” Kyungsoo says and he sounds a little amused now. “You’re bound to end up going to the same shows, just like you did when you were together.”

Baekhyun just groans. “Text me the address,” he says finally. “I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

He tosses his phone onto his bed as Mongryong waddles into the room, heading straight for Baekhyun’s ankles. Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair and stares down at his puppy. “This is a mistake, right?” he asks.

Mongryong barks once. Baekhyun sighs. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Baekhyun takes a taxi to the concert because he’s pretty sure after a night out with Yixing present is only going to require a hundred drinks and he’ll be in no position to drive himself home. Kyungsoo is waiting for him outside the venue, staring at his phone and dressed in all black. There’s a long line out the door, full of all sorts of people from young teenage girls to older dudes with too much eyeliner. It doesn’t help Baekhyun figure out exactly what kind of show he’s in for tonight, but he trusts Kyungsoo’s judgement. Mostly.

“Hey,” he says as he walks up, and then punches Kyungsoo lightly in the arm. When Kyungsoo yelps and shoots him a glare, Baekhyun just shrugs. “This is for making me come out here and knowing Yixing was coming, too.”

“Please,” Kyungsoo says with an eye-roll. “You came on your own. I didn’t _make_ you do anything.”

“You’re making me face my worst fear!” Baekhyun says and this time Kyungsoo snorts, giving his phone one last glance before he tucks it into his pocket.

“Baekhyun, your worst fear are bugs and rollercoasters,” Kyungsoo says slowly like he’s talking to a toddler, and okay, fine, maybe Baekhyun is being a tad bit childish about this but if he can’t whine, then what else can he do? “Are you really that freaked out? Do you want me to hold your hand until he gets here?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun says petulantly.

He doesn’t expect Kyungsoo to actually do it, so he jolts in surprise when Kyungsoo takes his wrist and slides his fingers between Baekhyun’s. It helps, because Baekhyun is a naturally touchy person and touch heals everything, honestly, and with Kyungsoo simply holding his hand and reminding him that he’s here, Baekhyun takes slow breaths and calms himself down.

It’s only a few minutes later that Baekhyun catches sight of Han walking across the street toward the venue, Yixing right behind him. Kyungsoo squeezes his hand but doesn’t let go, not even when they approach. “Sorry we’re late,” Han says, pushing his blond hair back from his face and smiling at them. “Were you guys waiting long?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says with a shake of his head. “We still have some time anyway, so it’s cool.”

“Should we get in line?” Baekhyun asks, looking at Han and doing his best _not_ to look at Yixing. He fails, his eyes sliding over in his direction almost instinctively, but Yixing isn’t looking at any of them, he’s staring at Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s clasped hands. Baekhyun looks away, tugs at Kyungsoo’s hand, and all but drags him toward the line.

“You can let go of me now, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says.

“What if I don’t want to?” Baekhyun simpers, batting his eyelashes, and Han laughs beside him. He changes tactics, turns to Han instead and holds out a hand. “You’ll hold hands with me, right?”

“Pass,” says Han, laughing harder when Baekhyun gasps in mock outrage. “Why don’t you ask Yi--” He cuts himself off quickly, remembering, and Baekhyun feels his stomach sink a little toward his knees. He drops his hand as Han flounders between looking panicked and guilty, but thankfully Kyungsoo steps in to say, “Come on already, the line is moving,” and they shuffle along after him quickly.

Baekhyun stares at his feet as he walks and doesn’t look at Yixing at all.

Once inside, they stop by the bar, and Han offers to get the first round, hands Baekhyun his beer with a whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun says, because he knows this can’t be easy, not for any of them. He steps aside as Han and Kyungsoo wait for their drinks, scans the room and the decent-sized crowd up at the front by the stage. A few sips of his drink eases the tension in his shoulders from Han’s earlier slip up, and the energy in the place has his own blood pumping in excitement. Maybe tonight won’t be so bad.

He’s feeling better enough that when Yixing steps up beside him to say hi, Baekhyun doesn’t cower away. He smiles back at him and asks, “How’ve you been?”

“I’m good,” Yixing says with one of his dimpled smiles. It kind of amazes Baekhyun how familiar and different the smile feels to him now after all these years. “It’s been interesting, being back here. I’ve missed it.”

If they’d been on better terms, Baekhyun would’ve teased, _because you missed me, right?_ Instead, he keeps the thought to himself and just nods in understanding. “Is that the only reason you moved back?” he says. “Because you missed it here?”

“One of the reasons, for sure,” Yixing says. “Atlanta was great, and my job there was great, but it never really ended up feeling quite like home, you know?”

Baekhyun doesn’t, not really, but he nods again anyway. “Then it’s a good thing you came back, right?”

Yixing tilts his head at him slightly. His hair, that he’s parted nicely at the side, falls a little into his eyes and he sweeps it back with effortless ease. He’s still so handsome, and Baekhyun stares at him, a little stuck, a little awed, as his heart starts to beat loudly in his chest. “Yes,” Yixing says after a moment, and his expression goes soft, his lips curl into another smile. “Yes, it definitely is.”

Baekhyun's breath catches. He stares back at Yixing, not sure what to say, not sure how to deal with the soft look in his eyes. Thankfully Kyungsoo and Han are back then, breaking the strange moment, and Baekhyun just lets out a little laugh as he follows Kyungsoo away to the side of the venue where there are a couple of high tables set up so they can watch as the opening act finally takes the stage. Baekhyun finds himself sitting between Kyungsoo and Yixing, which is not the worst position to be, but not the best either. He sips at his drink, lets the alcohol loosen him up even further, and it’s Yixing who turns to Baekhyun, whispers in hushed tones about the lead singer, a young girl with long blond hair and a rather squeaky voice.

It’s almost funny how easily they fall into old habits, dissecting the music and the vocals and the performance itself. The familiarity of it all has Baekhyun as comfortable as he is totally weirded out. He remembers with clarity the hours they used to spend listening to new albums or watching K-Pop videos on YouTube just to pick apart all of the music. Yixing, with his love of indie rock never seemed to get the appeal of Girl’s Generation, but Baekhyun would catch him humming Gee under his breath anyway, remembers kissing the sheepish smile off his lips.

Music is what brought Baekhyun and Yixing together all those years ago. It seems strange, but somehow fitting, that they’re reuniting in some way over music again, too.

Alcohol makes Baekhyun bolder, less worried about how strange this all is and more eager to enjoy himself, no matter the situation. He buys the next round of drinks during the second opening act, a much better group than the first, and leans further into Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he talks. When the headlining band finally begins to set up, they abandon their table, tossing out their empty drink cups to make their way to the crowd packed by the stage.

The energy has spiked considerably now that the act everyone’s waiting for is here. It makes Baekhyun excited, too, trying to keep as close together as they’re jostled around by more and more fans. When the band shows up on the stage, the cheers are deafening, and Baekhyun, standing on his tiptoes to see better, almost falls into the people in front of him when the crowd moves again, trying to get closer to the stage even when there’s nowhere to go.

It’s Yixing who saves him from falling on his face, an arm wrapping around Baekhyun’s waist and pulling him steady. “Thanks,” Baekhyun breathes, his body tingling from Yixing’s touch. Yixing just looks at him, a little worried crease between his brows, but then smiles and lets his arm fall away.

Baekhyun licks his lips and glances around, realizes they’ve somehow lost Kyungsoo and Han in the crowd. “I think we might die in this pit,” Baekhyun says, leaning a little toward Yixing to speak so he can hear him.

Yixing laughs. “At least we won’t be dying alone,” he says and his eyes seem to shine in the darkness when he meets Baekhyun’s gaze.

Baekhyun swallows, takes a step to the side. His chest aches and he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans so he’s not tempted to touch, to reach out and hold onto Yixing so they’re not separated in the crowd either. Maybe the drinks had been a bad idea. Baekhyun is worse about personal space when he’s been drinking.

He’s not given the chance to linger too long on his thoughts as the lead singer yells at the crowd to sing along, and he shakes his head, pushes it all aside to focus on the performance. He takes a steadying breath, and cheers along with the crowd.

It’s nearing midnight by the time the show ends. Baekhyun is sweaty and his feet ache, but he had a good time. He and Yixing head toward the merch table in the front, and Yixing goes up to buy a CD while Baekhyun looks around for Kyungsoo and Han, who stumble up to him as the crowd thins out. Kyungsoo reaches up to squeeze the back of Baekhyun’s neck, eyes soft and questioning, and Baekhyun just smiles and shrugs a shoulder. He knows Kyungsoo said he would buffer, so maybe he feels a little guilty for losing Baekhyun and Yixing in the crowd, but it’s nothing that could be helped. Baekhyun made it through with minimal casualties. That’s the best he could’ve asked for tonight, honestly.

They head out into the cool night air once Yixing returns, brandishing the CD and opening and closing it as they leave, pausing to read the back. “Did you like them that much?” Baekhyun finds himself asking, unable to stop himself. The show had been pretty good, and Baekhyun might add a song or two to his Spotify playlist but that’s about it.

“They have a nice sound,” Yixing says. “It’s always a different experience listening to a group live and then listening to their album in whole.”

“That’s true,” Baekhyun agrees with a smile. A couple of years ago, Yixing would probably have made Baekhyun listen through it with him, lying in bed together with legs tangled and volume turned up as high as they could get it without disturbing the neighbors. Baekhyun’s chest aches at the thought and he sighs, runs a hand through his hair. He catches Kyungsoo’s eye, and Kyungsoo says, “Do you want a ride home, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun breathes out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, thanks,” he says. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks over at Han and Yixing. “It was nice seeing you guys.”

“Thanks for the tickets, Han,” Kyungsoo adds, clapping Han on the shoulder.

“Let’s do it again sometime,” Han says with a grin, and Yixing nods beside him, smiling that pretty dimpled smile of his. His eyes land on Baekhyun and his smile grows just a little wider. Baekhyun looks away.

He follows Kyungsoo to his car in silence, and only once they’re inside does Kyungsoo look over at him and asks, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Baekhyun leans back against the cool leather seat and sighs. “I guess it could have been worse,” he says after a long moment, and manages a little laugh when Kyungsoo says, “That’s the spirit,” and reaches over to pat his knee.

 

 

♦

 

 

It’s only a few days later that Baekhyun looks up from the piano after a set to see Yixing sitting at the bar where he works. It shouldn’t be a surprise, not really, because of course Yixing remembers where Baekhyun works, and of course he can stop by if he wants, but Baekhyun is still caught off-guard, gaping at him from across the room until Yixing catches his eye and smiles. Baekhyun sends one back tentatively, and then quickly looks away, reaching for the glass of water set aside for him and downing the whole thing.

“What’s Yixing doing here?” Kyungsoo asks, lowering the mic in his hand and looking at Baekhyun curiously.

“I have no idea,” Baekhyun says. His throat itches from the last song few songs he’d performed with Kyungsoo. He’s glad the next song on their list only requires Baekhyun to play piano. He needs the break.

“Really?” Kyungsoo says with a skeptical raise of his eyebrows.

“Yes, really,” Baekhyun insists. “Why, did you think I invited him or something? I told you that I’m not ready for us to be friends.”

“Well, it seems like he’s not ready to give up, then,” Kyungsoo says and Baekhyun frowns, because, well, that is sort of what it seems like, and that’s frustrating. Baekhyun would have thought Yixing would be more respectful of Baekhyun’s decision.

“Whatever,” he says in the end, because there’s nothing he can really do about it. “Maybe he likes jazz music and overpriced drinks.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo deadpans, giving Baekhyun a pointed look. “He came here for the drinks.”

“Shut up,” Baekhyun says. “Don’t make this into something it’s not, okay?”

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to reply, but Baekhyun cuts him off as he presses down on the keys, playing a couple of quick chords to get back into the mood. He launches into their next song, and bites his lip to stop from laughing as Kyungsoo shoots him a glare and scrambles back into position, slotting the mic into the stand and crooning into it when his line comes up.

Baekhyun usually never has any trouble performing. He’s at ease at the piano, perfectly at home and perfectly comfortable, but now that he knows Yixing is there, that Yixing is watching, it’s almost as if he can feel Yixing’s eyes directly on him. Yixing’s presence niggles at the corner of his mind. He trips up once or twice during the performance, miniscule little errors that most people wouldn’t even notice but still has his jaw clenching tight even as he catches himself quickly and recovers with practiced ease. He wishes he hadn’t seen Yixing at all. He wishes he could stop thinking about him.

Kyungsoo catches his eye mid-performance, a little quirk of his brow, and just the familiarity of his gaze comforts Baekhyun. He smiles back at him, lets out a slow, deep breath, and they finish their song together as beautifully as always. Applause ripples through the lounge and Baekhyun is sure Yixing is amongst them, but he doesn’t look. He doesn’t need any further distraction.

He and Kyungsoo play two more songs; one that is just Baekhyun alone at the piano and their ending piece a duet together. Baekhyun’s head is ringing by the time they finish, and his hands ache, but he smiles brightly at the guests around the lounge, nods his head in thanks as a few drop a couple of bills into the little tip jar by the piano.

Kyungsoo, sweat beading at his brow and his coiffed hair starting to come loose, squeezes Baekhyun’s shoulder. “You okay?” he asks, and maybe he’s really asking about Baekhyun’s mistakes earlier, Baekhyun can’t be sure, but he smiles anyway and nods.

Baekhyun quickly leads the way into the break room in the back of the lounge before he runs into Yixing, breathing a deep sigh of relief once he’s free from the heavy gaze of Yixing’s eyes on him. Okay, so maybe it’s a little presumptuous of Baekhyun to think Yixing came here just to see him, but he’s not entirely sure why else he would bother. Maybe he isn’t ready to give up on friendship, or maybe he was bored and thought panicking Baekhyun would be a good use of his time. Either way, Baekhyun doesn’t know what he wants and maybe that’s what makes this all so frustrating.

He and Kyungsoo divvy up the tips and then pick up their things to leave. They don’t make it far before they run right into Yixing, who has clearly been waiting for them near the front doors. He’s got this wide smile on his face that makes Baekhyun’s stomach churn.

“Hey,” he says when Baekhyun gets close. “You were amazing.” He voice is full of sincerity and he reaches out for a moment, like he wants to pull Baekhyun into a hug, or like he wants to give him a kiss, the way he used to after all of Baekhyun’s performances. Baekhyun almost takes a step back but Yixing catches himself before he needs to, and shoves his hands into his pockets instead.

It’s strange, because it makes the distance between them feel oceans apart instead of a few little feet. “Thanks,” Baekhyun says, not quite meeting Yixing’s eyes. He doesn’t know what else to say.

Fortunately, Kyungsoo comes to his rescue, stepping up beside Baekhyun to smile at Yixing. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here tonight,” he says. “Have a good time?”

“Yes,” Yixing says, beaming. “You were really great too, Kyungsoo.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says with a smug smirk that makes Yixing laugh.

He turns back to Baekhyun then, and says, “It was really nice to see you perform again. It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah, it has,” Baekhyun agrees with a small smile. They used to spend so much time together, playing music, singing, laughing, trading kisses between each song. The memories ache, a little. “Thanks for coming, Yixing.”

Yixing smiles and glances down at the watch on his wrist, before he says, “I know it’s a little late, but are you free now? Would you like to get something to eat with me? If you haven’t eaten already, of course.”

Baekhyun had a very unsatisfying bowl of cup ramen what feels like ten hours ago, so he really could use some actual food. He’d just been planning to pick up a sandwich on the way home, but he finds himself hesitating at the thought of hot food served ready in front of him.

“You’re welcome to come too, Kyungsoo,” Yixing adds, darting his eyes over to Kyungsoo. His smile turns a little hopeful, like maybe he thinks Baekhyun will be more willing to join him if it’s not only the two of them.

Kyungsoo glances at Baekhyun and Baekhyun stares back helplessly because he’s not sure what he wants, to be honest. Kyungsoo makes the decision for him, smiling as he nods, and says, “Sounds good to me. Where are you thinking?”

They end up at a twenty-four hour pancake place nearby, and Baekhyun is practically salivating at the options on the menu when Kyungsoo gets a phone call and slips away from the table for a few minutes. When he returns, he looks apologetic, and Baekhyun’s hunger is swapped with sudden panic when he realizes Kyungsoo is _leaving_.

“Chanyeol forgot his keys and locked himself out,” he says. “Again.”

“Leave him there,” Baekhyun says quickly, reaching out to grab Kyungsoo’s wrist to keep him in place. “It’s what he deserves.”

Kyungsoo laughs and eases Baekhyun’s hand off him. “I’ll join you guys another time,” he says, smiling at Yixing who just nods. He’s clearly not panicking. He’s clearly not at all upset that he’s stuck here alone with Baekhyun, but Baekhyun is going to kill Kyungsoo, and especially kill Chanyeol the next time he sees him.

Baekhyun gives Kyungsoo his best pleading eyes, but not even that seems to help. He does pat Baekhyun’s shoulder gently as he bids his final goodbye and leaves, and Baekhyun is only comforted for a short moment before he remembers he’s now alone with Yixing. This is not at all how his night was supposed to go.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He can do this. He’s an Adult. He’s not afraid of Yixing. Mostly. “Guess it’s just us, then,” he says and Yixing looks over at him with a wry little smile.

“Is that so bad?” he asks, a little tilt of his head. He looks really nice. Baekhyun hadn’t noticed in his earlier panic, but it’s clear Yixing dressed up to come visit the lounge. Baekhyun drops his eyes back to his menu.

Yes, he wants to say, but doesn’t. “I can live with it,” he replies with as nonchalant a shrug as he can manage.

Yixing laughs. It’s not mocking, just amused, like maybe he knows Baekhyun would rather be anywhere else. “Good,” he says. “I’ll try to make it worth your while.”

That makes Baekhyun grin despite himself. “You’re paying, then, right?” he teases, and when Yixing laughs again, it’s a little brighter, fuller, and it settles warm in Baekhyun’s chest.

Once, this was the kind of thing that made Baekhyun feel loved, happy, full of life. Right now, it’s mostly strange, because Baekhyun hasn’t felt this way because of Yixing in a long, long time. He looks away again, and they both lapse into silence as they decide what to order. A waiter stops by soon enough to jot it all down, and Baekhyun is a little disappointed when he has to hand the menu over. Now he has nothing to hide behind.

Yixing, however, doesn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as Baekhyun feels. He smiles at him from across the table and says, “That solo song you played at the end tonight. That was new, wasn’t it?”

Baekhyun is immensely glad that Yixing seems to know just what to say to get him speaking. When Baekhyun’s talking, Baekhyun’s most himself, honestly, and he can ramble about anything for hours. “Yeah,” he says with a nod. “I picked it up a couple of months ago and switched out the old piece I’d been doing for ages.”

“You were really good,” Yixing says. “You’ve always been good, but--you know--it’s been a long time.” His smile turns slightly wistful and he plays with the watch on his wrist, twisting it back and forth. “Listening to some of the recordings we’d made isn’t quite the same as the real thing.”

Baekhyun’s jaw drops a little in surprise. “I--You--You still have those?” he asks, and he hopes it doesn’t sound quite as accusatory as it does to his own ears. He’s genuinely stunned, honestly, because even though Yixing hordes every piece of music he’s ever made, for some reason he didn’t expect Yixing to keep the things they worked on together. At the very least, he didn’t expect him to have listened to any of it in the three years they’ve been apart.

“Of course,” Yixing says softly, and he only looks miniscule offended that Baekhyun thought he would have gotten rid of them. “They’re important to me, and they...they helped, after we...well.”

“Broke up,” Baekhyun says, puts it out there. There’s no reason to dance around it. Both of them are aware of what happened, and these days the wound feels much more fresh than it has in the past three years. He’s sure Yixing feels it, too, even if he’s much better at hiding it.

Yixing laughs. It’s a little hollow. “Yeah,” he says, followed with a deflated sort of sigh.

They fall into silence again.

It stretches on so long that Baekhyun becomes more and more uncomfortable, not because he’s with Yixing, but because everything is so _awkward_. “This is weird,” he blurts out without thinking. When Yixing darts his eyes up at him, Baekhyun rushes to add, “I just mean--It’s not you, really, it’s just this--After all this time, I’m just. I don’t know.” Heat creeps up Baekhyun’s neck, and he groans, rubs his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says softly, and just the sound of his name in Yixing’s voice is startling. Familiar but so foreign. Comforting but so strange. Baekhyun peeks at him from between his fingers. Yixing is smiling, and he looks relieved, which is not what Baekhyun expected, so he keeps his hands in front of his face as if it’ll shield him from whatever Yixing has to say. “It’s okay,” Yixing continues. “Honestly, I’m kind of glad you said so, because, well...It’s weird for me, too.”

Baekhyun drops his hands in favor of gaping at Yixing. “Seriously? You don’t look like any of this has bothered you at all,” he says, waving at him. “Fuck, Yixing, you asked me the second time we ran into each other if we wanted to be _friends_.”

“That’s because I didn’t want things to be weird between us,” Yixing says strongly. “I thought it would be easier if we put it out in the open instead of trying to dance around each other but maybe that didn’t help as much as I thought it would.”

“Maybe,” Baekhyun agrees with a low chuckle. He runs a hand through his hair and quiets down for a moment as their waiter stops by with their food, sliding plates of waffles and French toast down in front of them. Baekhyun douses his waffles in syrup and pops one of the strawberries in his mouth. “I’m sorry I haven’t made it easier, either,” he finally says.

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to be friends, Baekhyun,” Yixing says, but he almost sounds...sad, as he says it.

And Baekhyun remembers suddenly what Kyungsoo had told him a few weeks ago, after Yixing had asked to be friends. _You might want to ask yourself if you’re only doing that out of spite, or because you really don’t want anything to do with Yixing anymore._ Looking across the table at Yixing now, Baekhyun doesn’t think he could ever really, truly, walk away from him. Not again. Sure, Baekhyun had said no to being friends, but it _wasn’t_ out of spite and he’s certain about that. He wasn’t ready to be friends with Yixing, and he’s not so sure he is now either, but when will he ever be, if he doesn’t at least try, right?

“Maybe…” Baekhyun starts slowly, uncertain, scared. “Maybe we should like, start over?” When Yixing’s eyes widen, Baekhyun adds, “I don’t mean like completely, because it’s not like we can just forget what happened in the past, you know? But maybe instead of trying to force a friendship, we can just…”

“Let things happen naturally?” Yixing finishes for him, and he looks hopeful, now, and surprisingly, Baekhyun feels hopeful, too.

He smiles at Yixing and nods. “Yeah, that,” he says with a laugh. “I can’t promise anything, but maybe that’s for the best.” They had made a lot of promises to each other once. The broken pieces of them still cut Baekhyun’s heart if he thinks about it too hard.

“I like this plan better anyway,” Yixing says, smiling at Baekhyun, too. His dimple peeks out in his cheek, and Baekhyun has the once-so-familiar urge to touch it, kiss it. Instead he shoves a mouthful of his waffles into his mouth as Yixing says, “I’ve missed you, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun choke-laughs on his food, because he wasn’t expecting that, but Yixing’s always been good at surprising him. Surprising him by showing up here again out of nowhere, surprising him by wanting to be friends, surprising him by not wanting to--

Baekhyun shoves that thought away as quickly as it appears. “You know what, Yixing?” he says instead, pointing his fork at him with a grin. “I’ve missed you, too.”

 

 

♦

 

 

The first time, it’d been easy. Baekhyun still remembers spending hours with Yixing at that frat party, singing together as Yixing played his guitar, remembers every smile and every laugh when their voices cracked, when Baekhyun used his beer bottle as a makeshift microphone, only to forget it wasn’t actually empty and spilling beer down the front of his clothes. Baekhyun remembers tapping his phone number into Yixing’s phone at the end of the night, and the way Yixing had squeezed his fingers around his wrist before he had left, touch lingering warm until Baekhyun fell asleep, smooshed into the side of Jongdae’s bed.

Baekhyun, then, hadn’t any reason to be so careful. He’d messaged Yixing first, something about having Chasing Cars stuck in his head and it was all Yixing’s fault because he sang it far too well the night before, and Yixing had replied, half a day later, to tell Baekhyun he was glad Baekhyun hadn’t already forgotten about him.

He learned a lot about Yixing in the following weeks. Yixing, a year older than Baekhyun, had recently transferred from CalArt’s masters program to UCLA’s. He was also friends with one of the brother’s at the fraternity which is why he’d been there the other night, and spent about 95% of his time writing music and lyrics into notebooks and scraps of paper or in the notes app off his iPhone. He was terrible at replying to Baekhyun’s texts, but every time he did, he was cute and funny and flirty, and he made Baekhyun’s heart race.

Baekhyun was in his last stretch of undergrad, drowning under all the expectations of his final courses as well as spending hours in the practice rooms perfecting his piece for his upcoming recital. Yixing was like a breath of fresh air. A steady buoy in the raging ocean. They didn’t meet often, but the few times they did, whether alone or with a group, Baekhyun fell into Yixing with grace and ease and a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt in a long time.

That sense of comfort is long gone, but Baekhyun doesn’t think it’s disappeared forever. Despite all the uncertainties of having Yixing back in his life, there’s been moments of comfort and of familiarity that makes their newfound...whatever-it-is much easier to maintain.

It starts with texts, just like the first time. They exchanged numbers again after that late night dinner the other day, and it was a little weird, seeing Yixing’s name among all of Baekhyun’s usual contacts. Yixing sends a simple, _I’m glad we talked things through last night. Maybe we can get dinner again another day. Not as late, this time!_ and Baekhyun reads it over ten times like he’s looking for some hidden meaning or some inspiration for how to reply. He doesn’t find anything of course, but that doesn’t stop him from taking his time to reply. Baekhyun’s usually good about response times but he’s just not sure what to say. And when he _does_ think of something, he rereads the words on his screen and wonders if it comes off too flirty or too forced and ends up deleting everything. It takes him nearly three days to realize that he’s really just being an idiot. He’s overthinking all of this, making it harder than it is, than it has any reason to be.

 _i don’t know_ , Baekhyun types back eventually, _late night dinners are kind of fun, don’t you think?_

Everything sort of gets less awkward from there. It's nowhere near how things started a few weeks ago but Baekhyun's emotions are more in control when he sees Yixing's name on his phone, or when he thinks of Yixing and the few more times they meet in the following couple of weeks, getting lunch here, or meeting up for another later dinner after Baekhyun’s off work there. It's not like the way it used to be when they were dating but it’s far better than it has been, and that’s all Baekhyun can ask for right now.

Their friendship-not-friendship is surprising enough that even Jongdae comments on it when Baekhyun’s at his place for a late lunch. It’s a nice Saturday afternoon, and Baekhyun’s brought Mongryong with him, and he and Jongdae sit out on the deck, watching Mongryong run around the yard while they drink beer and gain about ten pounds from Dahye’s latest experimental dishes.

“I’m kind of surprised you let Yixing back in so easily,” Jongdae says. “After everything that happened, I figured it’d be ages before you guys were even remotely on speaking terms.”

“It hasn’t been easy at all though,” Baekhyun says, because it definitely hasn’t. There’s still moments when he and Yixing fall into the most awkward silences, when Baekhyun remembers something from their past life together and all the disappointment and rage bubbles up inside him again and the walls Yixing has slowly, patiently been breaking down fly right back up. There are those moments, too, when they realize how little they know about each other now, and while it’s been interesting to learn what’s changed, what’s different, it’s hard to shake away the sadness the comes with it. Baekhyun can see it in Yixing’s eyes, and is sure Yixing can sense the same in him. It’s hard, finding their footing again. “Sometimes I think if it’s even worth it,” Baekhyun admits, “but I’ve decided it’s worse trying to hide from him all the time. Isn’t it better that we get along?”

“Well, yeah, obviously,” Jongdae says, stretching his legs out under the table. He looks at Baekhyun, concern etched into the furrow of his brows. “Are you going to be okay though?”

Baekhyun meets his eyes, knows what Jongdae is really asking. “I think so,” he says, because he doesn’t know what’s going to come out of this, if he and Yixing will ever be friends again, or if everything will become too much and Baekhyun will realize once and for all that he can’t do it. “We’ve both changed, right? We both...we both made a lot of mistakes last time, but we don’t really hate each other.”

“You kind of hated him a little,” Jongdae teases.

“Because he broke my heart,” Baekhyun laughs softly, looking down at his hands, twisting his fingers together in his lap. “I broke his, too.”

“Yeah, you did,” Jongdae says, and it’s not accusatory, just truthful. Baekhyun doesn’t even flinch, just nods, accepting it. “But I think Yixing never held onto it as much as you. Or, well, he’s long since accepted everything and now he’s just looking to move forward, and that seems to include keeping you in his life.”

“Well, I am really cute so I don’t blame him,” Baekhyun tries to joke, but Jongdae just rolls his eyes at him instead.

“He talks about you all the time,” Jongdae says, and Baekhyun’s smile turns a little awkward on his face in surprise. “At least, that’s what Kyungsoo’s been saying. You know how Yixing asked him to record for a demo he’s working on, right?”

Baekhyun licks his lips and nods. Kyungsoo had mentioned it a week back during work. Baekhyun doesn’t really know much of the details, but that both Kyungsoo and Yixing seem excited for it. “They’re still working on it? I figured it’d have been done by now.”

“I think he had more than one song, but anyway, that’s not the point,” Jongdae says, and he gives Baekhyun’s foot a little kick with his own. “Kyungsoo says Yixing talks about you a lot. He didn’t want to bring it up with you in case it freaked you out, but Yixing’s mentioned how nice it was to hear you sing again and how he’s glad things have gotten less awkward between you guys, you know?” Jongdae shrugs a little and takes a drink out of his beer before he looks at Baekhyun again. “He’s relieved you don’t actually hate him.”

Baekhyun stares at him. “What’re you trying to say, Jongdae?” he says. “That Yixing’s still into me? That this whole let’s-be-friends thing is his way of wooing me again?”

“I’m just saying you should be careful,” Jongdae says firmly. “I know how much Yixing meant to you, how much you guys meant to _each other_ , and it sucked seeing you guys break up, because like, you were good together, you know? And I don’t know if Yixing wants that again, or if you do, so I just...I want you to be careful, because I don’t want things to turn out the way they did last time.” He pauses, then groans after a moment when Baekhyun just keeps staring at him. “Don’t make me talk about this anymore,” he exclaims. “I don’t like being stuck in the middle.”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought this up!” Baekhyun fires back, but then he laughs. He pushes back his chair and stands, rounding the table so he can pull Jongdae into a playful hug slash chokehold. Jongdae yells and laughs and goes right for Baekhyun’s neck, swiping his fingers against the skin where he’s sensitive, and then it’s Baekhyun screaming, far too loudly for Jongdae’s quiet suburbia home. Mongryong joins in from the yard, barking loudly as he comes running back toward the deck, and Baekhyun laughs as he watches his silly pup struggling up the steps on his tiny legs.

Baekhyun releases Jongdae to help Mongryong, and his pup thanks him happily with little licks to his chin. He returns to his seat with Mongryong in his lap and smiles over at Jongdae. “Thanks,” he says. “For looking out for me.” He gives Mongryong a little scratch behind the ears and adds, “I don’t think there’s much to worry about though. I’ve got it under control.”

“If you say so,” Jongdae says and Baekhyun nods firmly, to reassure Jongdae, but also to reassure himself.

“I do,” he says and that’s that.

 

 

♦

 

 

Han invites a bunch of them over on a Friday night to celebrate his boyfriend’s promotion. Minseok explains when Baekhyun arrives that he never asked for this, but Han went ahead with it anyway.

“Yeah, and you can’t say no to him,” Baekhyun teases and Minseok gives him a sheepish little grin.

“There is that,” he agrees, and Baekhyun congratulates him on his work before he slips past into the kitchen to set the bottle of champagne he’d brought with him along with the rest of the drinks.

After Yixing had moved out, Han had quickly asked Minseok to move in with him and now their tiny apartment is packed with people, most that Baekhyun knows, a couple he doesn’t. Han thrusts a beer into his hand and Baekhyun peruses, sits with Victoria and Dahye for awhile and laughs as they complain exasperatedly about their husbands. When they round on him to ask about his lack of a relationship, Baekhyun just smiles at them charmingly and says, “I love being single, it means I can flirt with beautiful ladies without any consequences.”

Dahye punches him in the arm while Victoria rolls her eyes. “You could use someone to keep you on a leash,” she says and Baekhyun leers at her.

“Sounds kinky,” he says. “Know anyone into that sort of thing?”

He leaves them a few minutes later to see what everyone else is up to, and finds Jongdae and Chanyeol in a loud Guitar Hero battle in the living room. Baekhyun winds around Chanyeol’s flailing limbs to sit down at the couch, laughing, and he’s alone for all of five minutes when Yixing is taking the empty space to his left. Baekhyun startles a little at his presence, and he’s not sure if the little skip of his heart is from surprise or because of how _good_ Yixing looks, dressed in dark jeans and a short-sleeved shirt that’s buttoned just to his collarbone, showing off pale strips of skin when he moves.

“You’d think Chanyeol would be better at this game considering he actually knows how to play the guitar,” Yixing says, a smiling tugging at his lips and showing off his dimple.

“Chanyeol just likes to act like he’s good at everything,” Baekhyun says, pitching his voice up higher so Chanyeol can hear him. He grins at Yixing, and finds he can’t quite look away from his face, eyes taking in the soft curl of his hair as it falls in his eyes, the shining metal of his dangling cross earring. “But he mostly ends up looking like an idiot.”

“I heard that!” Chanyeol yells, turning around to tackle Baekhyun against the couch, game forgotten in favor of his payback. Baekhyun laughs, holding his left hand out with his beer out of the way, and lets Chanyeol ruffle his hair roughly before he pulls away once satisfied. Jongdae is yelling now, too, because Chanyeol’s distraction led him to win, and they squabble about a do-over while Baekhyun catches his breath.

He meets Yixing’s eye and laughs again, feeling his face heat up inexplicably. Yixing is smiling at him, a soft little smile, and then he’s reaching out to thread his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair. “You look ridiculous,” he teases, flattening Baekhyun’s hair back down and Baekhyun’s heart stutters in his chest under the sudden attention. Yixing’s fingers are gentle, warm.

Baekhyun huffs at him once the shock of Yixing’s touch has melted away. “Impossible,” he says. “I’d still look good with messy hair.” Yixing just draws his fingers back, his smile turning much more amused, and Baekhyun has to look away before he ends up staring. He downs the rest of his beer in a few rushed gulps and then abruptly stands up.

“I’ll--I’ll be right back,” he says, and then returns to the kitchen. He gets another beer and one of the mini cupcakes set out on the table. He shoves the cupcake into his mouth whole as he wanders back to the couch. Chanyeol’s sitting beside Yixing now, and that makes Baekhyun breathe a little easier. He joins them again, shoving Chanyeol aside to make more room and getting cupcake crumbs everywhere.

“How old are you?” Chanyeol complains, trying to push Baekhyun away but mostly just ending up with Baekhyun halfway across his lap. He gives up protesting soon enough, and instead steals Baekhyun’s beer out of his hand to take a swig in repayment.

“Give that back,” Baekhyun says once he’s swallowed his cupcake. He carefully pulls his beer back just as Chanyeol stands up. “Where are you going?”

“You got crumbs all over me,” Chanyeol says. “I’m gonna clean up.”

He walks off, peering down at his shirt, and Baekhyun is left with Yixing once again. It’s not a terrible thing, really. They’ve been spending more time alone together, but Yixing’s earlier touch, the soft look in his eyes, that had been new. It’d thrown Baekhyun off, a little. He lets out a slow breath and takes a drink from his beer, tries to calm himself down.

“Baekhyun, you’ve got a little frosting still--there--” Yixing laughs, tapping at the corner of his own lips and Baekhyun instinctively darts his tongue out to clean it. He catches the way Yixing’s eyes widen, how they linger on his lips as he swipes his tongue over them. Heat creeps up the back of Baekhyun’s neck and he quickly drops his gaze to the beer bottle in his hand instead. It doesn’t help the way his heart is suddenly beating loudly in his ears.

When he chances a look back at Yixing, he’s staring off to the side, but the tips of his ears are bright red.

Baekhyun’s not sure why that fills him with a sweet flutter of pleasure. He takes another long drink of his beer so he doesn’t have to think about it, and when Minseok and Han finish their round of Guitar Hero, Baekhyun jumps up take one of their spots. The night goes on much like this, with Baekhyun teetering on this edge between avoiding Yixing and falling into Yixing. He slips away to play games and talk with his other friends, but somehow always ends up by Yixing’s side again, laughing at one of his stories, staring a little too long at Yixing’s pretty smile.

It’s easier in a group of friends. Easier, too, when he’s drunk, easy to lean into Yixing’s side as they play games, easy to smack Yixing’s knee when he’s laughing because Yixing is there, and Baekhyun’s always so touchy.

Yixing wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders when Han is dramatically recounting Minseok’s promotion story (“It did _not_ happen like that,” Minseok sighs from beside him), and he squeezes Baekhyun gently, fills Baekhyun with such warmth, such comfort, it’s nice. It’s really nice. It’s different, too, from when Jongdae does this, and it shouldn’t be different, not anymore. Not when Yixing is barely even a friend these days. Yet Baekhyun can’t help the way his skin tingles, like little electric sparks are sliding through his veins, making him bolder, more susceptible to everything he’s been so careful to avoid.

He looks at Yixing, at the strong line of his jaw, the way his eyes shine with his laughter, the sweet dimple in his cheek. Before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s reaching out and pressing the tip of his finger there, right into the little dip of his cheek.

Everything slows down to a stop for one, brief moment. Baekhyun sees the way Yixing’s smile freezes on his face. He turns to look at Baekhyun, eyes widening just a little, and Baekhyun yanks his hand back like he’s been burned. The tingling sensation under his skin like fire, now. They don’t even say anything. Baekhyun’s heart pounds in his chest, his ears, up his throat, making it impossible to speak at all. His eyes drop to Yixing’s mouth and he thinks, he wants--

“Hey, Baekhyun,” says Jongdae suddenly, loudly, cutting through Baekhyun’s fuzzy brain. There’s a sharp tug at his elbow. “Come help me with--a thing--”

“What?” Baekhyun stumbles up to his feet, follows Jongdae down the hall and into the bathroom.

The second after Jongdae closes the door behind them, he rounds on Baekhyun and says, “What the hell are you _doing_?”

Baekhyun leans back against the sink, hands gripping the edge on either side of him, and blinks a few times through the haze that’s clouding his mind. “I just--” he starts, pauses, licks his lips, pushes away the image of Yixing’s plush mouth from behind his eyes. “It was nothing--I’m just a little drunk that’s all.”

“Baekhyun, you were seconds away from crawling right into Yixing’s lap.”

“He just--He looks _so good_ \--”

Jongdae huffs out an incredulous laugh. “I thought you said you had this under control.”

“I _do_ ,” Baekhyun says, but then he groans, runs a hand through his hair as he remembers just how close he’d let himself get to Yixing tonight, how he’d reached out to touch his dimple out of nowhere--the way he used to do years ago. Yixing would laughs laught then, turn his head to kiss Baekhyun’s finger or playfully bite at it just to make Baekhyun laugh. He didn’t do that today. No, he looked shocked, like he, too, remembered the past, and this was too close to it, too weird, and he didn’t know how to respond. Fuck. Baekhyun’s such an idiot.

“I thought I did,” Baekhyun amends, and he must look suddenly pitiful because Jongdae pulls Baekhyun into a rough hug.

“It’s okay that you don’t,” he says, and Baekhyun slowly sags against him, all the tension leaving his body like air from a balloon. “Do you want to go home?”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and takes a slow breath, considers it. “Yeah,” he says finally. “That’s probably for the best.”

“Okay,” Jongdae says, patting Baekhyun’s back before he pulls away. “Let’s go.”

Baekhyun takes a moment to splash cold, cold water onto his face as Jongdae slips back out into the party. He can hear music playing loudly from down the hall, the laughter of his friends, and everything out there seems like a world away. He really hopes no one else noticed what happened with Yixing earlier because he doesn’t particularly feel like having to explain, not when he can barely understand it himself.

He stops by to tell Han and Minseok goodbye, waving around the room at large, and he’s almost out the door when he runs into Yixing.

“There you are,” Yixing says softly, smiling at Baekhyun. His eyes are searching. Baekhyun can practically see the questions he wants to ask right in them. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun nods, hopes Yixing can’t see through his own smile. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he says. “Just maybe had a little too much to drink.”

That makes Yixing chuckle. “Still a lightweight, huh?” he teases and Baekhyun smiles a little easier at that, instinctively reaching out to swat Yixing’s shoulder.

“Like you’re any better,” he says, quickly pulling his hand back. Then, before Yixing can say anything else, he adds, “I’m heading out now, so I, uh, I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Oh, alright,” Yixing says, and Baekhyun tries not to linger on the way his lips curl downwards in disappointment. “Have a good night, Baekhyun,”

“You, too, Yixing,” he says, and with one last smile, Baekhyun hastily makes his exit.

He finds Jongdae and Dahye waiting for him by the door, and Jongdae wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders as they head outside. Baekhyun closes his eyes. It definitely doesn’t feel anything like how Yixing had touched him earlier. He wishes it did, he wishes it was the same, because the difference makes it worse, the difference is a familiar path that Baekhyun’s not entirely sure he’s ready to walk down again.

He tries not to think about it though, smiles at Jongdae and at Dahye and says, “Sorry for having to cut your guys’ fun down, too.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dahye says with a pretty smile. “If we stayed out much longer, I”d have to carry Jongdae home.”

“Hey,” Jongdae whines in protest, abandoning Baekhyun in favor of pulling his wife into his side and pouting at her.

Baekhyun watches as Dahye just tugs at Jongdae’s ear, watches the way they laugh at each other and slide their fingers together between them, the way Dahye leans forward to kiss Jongdae’s lips. Baekhyun looks down at his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets, and does his best not to remember the shape of Yixing’s mouth and how much he wanted to kiss him.

 

 

♦

 

 

Baekhyun is in the middle of teaching a six-year-old boy how to play Mary had a Little Lamb on the piano when his phone rings in his pocket. It startles them both, as well as the boy’s mother who is witting off to the side of the room and watching the lesson, and Baekhyun hesitantly takes his phone from his pocket and apologizes with an awkward laugh for having not put it on silent before the start of their session.

He glances at the screen and ses Kyungsoo’s name, which surprises him because Kyungsoo knows Baekhyun is working, but instead of sating his curiosity, Baekhyun just sets his phone to silent, and puts his phone away. He smiles at his student, reaches out to flip the page in his book to the start of the piece again, and says, “Let’s start over, okay? You’re doing really well.”

Baekhyun has back-to-back lessons until just after noon, so he forgets all about Kyungsoo’s phone call in favor of helping his students practice and learn their latest assignments. He’s got a recital set up for the end of the year and it seems like maybe none of them will be ready in time, but that’s usually how it is. Baekhyun's students are mostly young children; he’s lucky if they even remember what the keys on the piano are, let alone how to read music.

He runs out to the nearest McDonald’s to pick up a burger and checks his phone for any messages or calls. He expected Kyungsoo to leave a voicemail, but there's nothing, so after he orders his food, he calls Kyungsoo up on the way back to the studio where he works. Kyungsoo picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, you called me earlier,” Baekhyun says. “You never call.”

“I’d rather not hear your voice any more than I have to,” Kyungsoo says, like they don’t work together nearly every night of the week. “And I figured this would be something better to ask in person than in a text.”

“That important?” Baekhyun asks, curious. “You had to call when you knew I was working?”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Kyungsoo says, but he only sounds marginally apologetic at all. “How is work?”

“Fine,” Baekhyun says with a shrug, even though Kyungsoo can’t see him. “One of the kid’s asked if I could teach her how to play the Harry Potter theme today.”

“Did you say yes?” Kyungsoo laughs.

“Of course I did,” Baekhyun laughs, too. “But only if she doesn’t make any mistakes for the mock recital soon.” He smiles, remembering the way she had started practicing her recital piece with renewed vigor after that. He carefully unwraps his burger with one hand and takes a big bite, then says, “So, what did you call me for?”

“Yeah, that,” Kyungsoo says and Baekhyun can tell he’s hedging.

“Just spit it out already, Kyungsoo. I’ve got another lesson after this and I still need to eat so I don’t die.”

There's a moment’s pause, and then Kyungsoo sighs deeply. “Look, you know how I’ve been helping Yixing with a few of his demos, right?” he says. “Well, there’s this one song that isn’t working out the way either of us wants it, and I was thinking, maybe you should come in and try recording for it instead.”

Baekhyun pauses with a handful of fries up to his mouth. He almost drops them into his lap, but instead sets them back into the bag with the rest. This is not what he was expecting. “Uh,” he says carefully. “What does Yixing think about that?”

“Actually, it was Yixing’s idea,” Kyungsoo admits. “I don’t know if he was entirely serious about it, but he mentioned how maybe you would fit it better but he wasn’t sure if you’d be interested.”

“I see,” Baekhyun says slowly, still trying to process this. He remembers all too well the hours he spent writing music with Yixing, belting lyrics at 2AM from the tiny balcony of Yixing’s apartment, getting noise complaints from his neighbors, but never caring enough to stop because it’d always been so much fun. He remembers how much Yixing would tell him he had a nice voice.

“So?” Kyungsoo prompts when the silence between them stretches on too long. “Are you interested?”

“It’s just the one song, right?” Baekhyun asks.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says. “And I’ll be there. If you want me to.”

Baekhyun swallows back the dryness in his throat. He clenches his fingers around his phone a little tighter and closes his eyes. He hasn’t seen Yixing since that night at Han’s, over a week ago. Yixing’s texted him a few times, and even when it’s nothing special, Baekhyun’s heart thumps loudly in his chest every time he sees his name pop up on the screen. He still hasn’t been able to shake that urge to kiss him.

“You can say no,” Kyungsoo says, and maybe that’s what encourages Baekhyun to say yes.

“I’ll do it,” he says. He knows Yixing would never force him to do this, would never ask Baekhyun unless he thought he could do it, and this is more than just Yixing. This is Yixing’s music, Yixing’s work, and Baekhyun has always been Yixing’s number one fan.

“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo sounds surprised, but Baekhyun isn’t, not really. He wants to do this.

“Just tell me when and where,” he says and then bids his goodbye, hoping he didn’t make the wrong decision.

There was a time when Baekhyun stopping by Yixing’s work was a normal, even regular, occurrence. Baekhyun would bring him food when he forgot to eat, would tug him away from the studio if he’d spend too many days locked behind the doors, would sometimes just visit to sit in his lap and listen to the songs he’s been recording and kiss him in between each one. It had been such a familiar thing that Baekhyun almost ends up back at Yixing’s old studio, the place he used to work before Atlanta, and then realizing his mistake, quickly reroutes himself to the address Kyungsoo had texted him a few days before.

It’s a Sunday afternoon. The streets are as busy as always, and Baekhyun shows up fifteen minutes late to find Kyungsoo waiting for him by the doors.

“You look like a mess,” Kyungsoo says in way of greeting, and Baekhyun just shrugs. He’d woken up late to take Mongryong on his usual run, and barely had time for a shower before heading out.

“At least I’m here, aren’t I?” Baekhyun says, pushing his messy hair out of his face.

“I kind of thought you were gonna bail,” Kyungsoo admits.

Baekhyun frowns at him. “I’m not afraid of Yixing, okay? I can help him with a song,” he says.

“I don’t think you’re afraid of Yixing,” Kyungsoo agrees. “I think you’re afraid of yourself when you’re around him.”

It’s obvious he’s talking about that night at Han’s, because of course Kyungsoo knows all about that despite not having been there. Baekhyun hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, so maybe Jongdae did. Or maybe even _Yixing_ did, because he and Kyungsoo are good friends and they’ve been spending all this time working on music together. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing Yixing would bring up, but who knows. Baekhyun will have to poke Kyungsoo about it later and get him to reveal his sources.

“Don’t worry about it,” Baekhyun says with a false bravado that’s becoming quite familiar to him.

“You make it very hard not to worry about you, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo sighs, but he smiles when Baekhyun reaches out to squeeze the back of his neck gently in thanks.

Yixing’s new studio is much like the old one, if a little bigger and with newer equipment. Baekhyun whistles as he walks in, and Yixing jerks up out of his seat to look at him. “Fancy,” Baekhyun says with a little teasing smile and Yixing laughs.

“Might’ve been part of the reason I moved back here,” he says and Baekhyun smiles wider at that. “Thanks for coming, Baekhyun.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Baekhyun says. “I’m curious to hear about the songs you’ve been working on.”

“Come here,” Yixing says, waving Baekhyun over as he settles back down into his chair. He pulls the other chair out for Baekhyun, and he sits down beside him, takes the second pair of headphones set out across the desk. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kyungsoo sitting down at the small leather couch in the back of the room. He catches Baekhyun’s gaze and gives him a reassuring smile that makes it easier for Baekhyun to relax.

“This is the song I was hoping you’d sing for,” Yixing says, and he presses play on his laptop as Baekhyun pulls the headphones up over his ears.

Baekhyun closes his eyes to listen. It’s a nice song, mellow and soft, the kind of music Yixing has always liked. It fills Baekhyun with a familiar warmth, and he can imagine himself singing along to it, listening to it on quiet afternoons when he’s playing with Mongryong or cleaning around the house.

“I really like it,” Baekhyun says as the song reaches its end, and when he opens his eyes, he startles, finding Yixing staring right at him. There’s a little smile at his lips and his eyes are so soft. Baekhyun goes a little still, staring back, feels heat creeping up his neck to his cheeks.

“Yeah?” Yixing asks, and he reaches out to lift the headphones slowly off Baekhyun’s head. His fingers brush over the shell of Baekhyun’s ears, and Baekhyun trembles just slightly at the touch. He rolls back in his chair, puts some distance between them, and nods as he finally drops his gaze.

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s very you.”

“I said the same thing,” Kyungsoo says and Baekhyun jumps again. He’d almost forgotten Kyungsoo was here. “So, are you gonna sing it now?”

“Let me listen to it again,” Baekhyun says, taking the headphones back. “Do you have the sheet music?”

Yixing hands over a few pages and this time Baekhyun reads along as he listens, murmurs the lyrics under his breath. They run through it a few times until Baekhyun feels comfortable enough to actually attempt recording for real. Baekhyun’s been singing for years but he’s never done this before in such a professional setting. Yixing gets Baekhyun set up in the sound booth, spreading out the music sheets on the stand in front of him, and pats his back gently in encouragement. Baekhyun bites his lip at the little spark of heat from Yixing’s touch, and watches as Yixing returns to the front of the studio, sliding back into his seat. Kyungsoo joins him there, taking the chair Baekhyun had left, and he lifts a brow at Baekhyun through the glass. Baekhyun gives him a thumbs up.

It’s a long process. Baekhyun slips over the lyrics, misses the right beats a few times, and they have to start over and over again before making it through even once without any major mistakes. “That’s good,” Yixing says through the speaker. “Let’s try that again, okay? Do you need a break?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “No, let’s keep going.”

He takes a deep breath, watches as Yixing counts down with his fingers before the song plays again. Baekhyun is learning quickly, letting the music fill him up, tapping his foot in time with the beat. He keeps himself steady and sings along, this time much more confidently. It’s another good take, but he knows he can do even better.

Kyungsoo comes in after a couple of more tries to hand Baekhyun a water bottle. Baekhyun pulls the headphones down to rest around his neck and downs half of the water in quick gulps. His throat feels even more parched than when he performs at the lounge. “You really do suit this song way better than I did,” he says, patting Baekhyun on the shoulder. “Just relax some more and you can get through it better.”

“I’m trying,” Baekhyun says. “This is way different than what I’m used to.”

“You can do it,” Kyungsoo says, giving Baekhyun one last squeeze of his shoulder just as his phone rings. He steps back, pulling it from his pocket and glancing at the screen. “I’ll be right back,” he says, smiling at Baekhyun before he steps out of the sound booth.

Yixing comes in after him as Baekhyun takes another drink from the water bottle. Baekhyun caps it when he’s done and sets it aside, smiling at Yixing. “What do you think?” he asks.

“I think you’re amazing,” Yixing says without pause and Baekhyun, not expecting such an answer, drops his jaw in surprise. “You only just heard this song today but you’ve already recorded it better than Kyungsoo.”

“You’re just being nice because you don’t want me to give up on it,” Baekhyun laughs, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I know you wouldn’t do that,” Yixing says with a little shake of his head. “I’m glad you decided to work on this song.”

“It’s been fun,” Baekhyun says honestly. “It’s a good thing I don’t have work at the lounge tonight though. My voice would’ve been a mess by then.”

Yixing makes a soft humming noise of consideration at that, then reaches his hands out over Baekhyun’s shoulders. He seems to hesitate for a brief moment before he rests them down and gives a firm squeeze. “You need to drop your shoulders more,” he says. He slides a hand from Baekhyun’s shoulder to the front of his chest, and his touch sends a cascade of little fireworks throughout Baekhyun’s body. “Remember to breathe through your diaphragm, okay? It’ll stop you from straining.”

Baekhyun swallows, nods. He suddenly feels like he has no voice at all. Instead all he can do is stare at Yixing, who is much closer than Baekhyun realized. His eyes are so clear, his eyelashes dark, and the curve of his lips draws Baekhyun in as he speaks.

“Don’t break your jaw, but use it to guide your voice,” Yixing says, and he’s touching Baekhyun there, too, fingers ghosting across his jaw, thumb smoothing over Baekhyun’s cheek. Baekhyun shivers, licks his lips, and he doesn’t miss the way Yixing watches the movement of his tongue, the way his gaze lingers there and whatever else he was planning to tell Baekhyun to do seems lost in the thick, tense silence.

It’d be so easy, Baekhyun thinks. So easy to lean forward and kiss him, kiss him the way he’s thought about doing for over a week. He’s done his best to ignore it, to push it aside, but here, right now, in this moment, with Yixing looking at him so intensely, with Yixing touching him the way he used to, with Yixing softly whispering Baekhyun’s name, Baekhyun isn’t so sure he can hold himself back.

He’s saved, however, by the sudden sharp knock against the glass of the booth. Baekhyun jerks back so quickly, he almost trips over his feet and Yixing steadies him with a hand at his elbow. They look at each other then, and Baekhyun wonders if his expression is as panicked, as horrified as Yixing’s is. They look away just as quickly and Yixing drops his hand and when Baekhyun manages to catch his breath, he glances up to see Kyungsoo staring at him like Baekhyun’s insane.

And maybe Baekhyun is. Maybe that’s exactly why Baekhyun is even here, working on a song with Yixing, letting Yixing touch him, welcoming Yixing back into his life like nothing ever happened. He must be a little bit crazy to still want to kiss him, right? He must be a little bit crazy to still like the way Yixing’s fingers feel on his skin, or the way he smiles at him with such fondness in his eyes.

Baekhyun must be crazy, or else...Or else none of this makes sense.

“Maybe we should call it a day,” Yixing says, cutting through Baekhyun’s thoughts. He’s not looking at Baekhyun, and that only makes Baekhyun even more flustered by everything that’s just happened.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun mumbles, face hot, shoving his hands into his pockets. He wants to ask what’s going on between them, but those words get stuck in his throat. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“I’ll call you,” Yixing says and Baekhyun manages a nod before he darts out of the studio. He needs air, he needs to get out of here before he does something else stupid.

Kyungsoo follows him. Baekhyun can hear him rushing after him, but he doesn’t look back until he’s left the building. The hot summer sun blinds him and he almost runs into someone in his frantic pace.

“Baekhyun--Baekhyun, calm down,” Kyungsoo says, and he’s grabbing Baekhyun’s arms, pulling him aside, turning him to face him, but Baekhyun can barely see him, not when all he can think about is the look in Yixing’s eyes, how Yixing had leaned forward just a little, ready to kiss him, before Kyungsoo had interrupted. How Baekhyun hadn’t done anything to stop him.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks, and Baekhyun, who has been trying so hard to keep everything under control, finally breaks.

“No,” he whispers. “No, I’m not.”

 

 

♦

 

 

Baekhyun is good at distracting himself. In the days after the almost-kiss he does everything he can not to think about it. He goes to work. He plays and sings until his fingers ache and his throat burns. He pushes aside the lingering sounds of Yixing's song by cleaning his whole apartment while loudly playing Girl’s Generation. He takes Mongryong out on longer walks, sits with him at the park and watches as he makes friends with an adorable Bichon Frise, whose owner is equally cute.

He ignores phone calls in favor of rewatching all the Iron Man movies three times. He knows he can’t just keep avoiding everything like this forever, but he wants a few days to himself to just sulk. So that’s what he does. He calls in sick to work at the lounge Wednesday night because now that he’s rewatched all of Iron Man, he’s determined to rewatch all of Captain America _and_ the Avengers, and he’s only given himself until Thursday to wallow in his pathetic misery. He might also be hiding from the _looks_ Kyungsoo keeps giving him between sets.

“Fucking Steve,” Baekhyun says as he watches as Captain America disables Iron Man’s armor and runs away with Bucky. “How can he _do_ that to Tony?”

Mongryong, resting his head on Baekhyun’s lap, just barks as if in disbelief as well. “Right?” Baekhyun says, rubbing his pup between the ears. “He’s awful. This is why Tony is the best.”

He expects Mongryong to bark in response again, but instead he gets a sudden knock at his door that makes them both jump. “What the fuck?” he says to himself. He grabs his phone off the coffee table and checks the time. It’s past 11PM and he doesn’t have any messages or missed calls from any of his friends saying they were going to stop by.

He’s wondering if maybe he misheard, but then the knocking starts up again, a little more insistent. Baekhyun groans, sets Mongryong on the floor, and then heads over to answer the door. It’s probably just Kyungsoo, Baekhyun thinks, come to stare at him with his laser eyes since Baekhyun skipped out on work.

“I’m in the middle of something really important, Kyungsoo, so you can just go home--”

Baekhyun freezes with the door still held open in his hand. It’s not Kyungsoo. It’s not even Jongdae, or Chanyeol, or his _brother_ , or anyone else Baekhyun would have been slightly glad to see at eleven on a Wednesday night.

No, it’s Yixing. Yixing leaning against the doorframe, dressed in fitted jeans and a simple t-shirt with a low, low neckline. He looks flushed in the face, and when he meets Baekhyun’s eyes, his own grow a little wider, a little brighter, and he’s suddenly slipping in past Baekhyun right into his apartment.

“Yixing--What the--”

“You weren’t there,” Yixing cuts over him, and Baekhyun snaps his mouth shut. Yixing stops at the edge of Baekhyun’s couch, stares down at where Mongryong is lying on the floor for a moment, and then abruptly turns around. His hair falls into his face and he pushes it back out of the way, looking both determined and somehow, helplessly lost. “You weren’t there,” he repeats like Baekhyun has any idea what he’s talking about.

“ _Where_?” Baekhyun says, trying not to panic by Yixing’s appearance. He doesn’t even know where Yixing got his address, but he’s suddenly really glad he’s wearing clothes. Sure, it’s a pair of freaking boxer briefs and an old Supreme shirt, but at least it’s _clothes_.

“At work,” Yixing says, as if this should be obvious, and fuck, Baekhyun gets it. His understanding of the situation hits him like a baseball bat against the back of the head, and he’s stuck somewhere between laughing in incredulity and running to hide in his room. He still vividly remembers the look in Yixing's eyes when they’d almost kissed three days ago.

“You’re drunk,” Baekhyun says instead of doing either of those things. “Yixing, are you drunk right now? You show up at my place out of nowhere and you’re drunk?”

Yixing shakes his head. “I’m not drunk,” he says, which really only reaffirms that he is. Baekhyun wonders if he sat at the bar at the lounge the past few hours, having drink after drink and wondering why Baekhyun didn’t show up for work. He wonders if Kyungsoo attacked Yixing with his laser eyes too. “I just might have had one too many drinks, is all.”

“That means you’re drunk,” Baekhyun says with a short laugh. He can’t help but laugh, really. Baekhyun knows he’s not one to talk, but Yixing has always been an even worse drunk than him. It’s kind of cute, actually, the way he gets so pink and even more affectionate. Right now though, there could be an ocean in the space between them.

Baekhyun sighs. “Let me call you a ride home, okay?” he says, stepping up around Yixing to retrieve his phone.

He doesn’t expect Yixing to stop him, though. The hand around his wrist is warm and firm, and Baekhyun still feels the familiar spark under his skin at the touch.

“Don’t,” Yixing says in a soft voice. “Don’t, Baekhyun, I just--I want to talk to you.”

Baekhyun has a bad feeling about this. His heart is so loud in his ears, in fear, in anticipation, he’s not even sure he wants to hear what Yixing has to say, not sure he’s ready for this conversation. He tugs his hand away, straightens up. Behind him, he can hear the ending credits playing, but he can’t be bothered to find the remote to turn it off. Yixing is watching him so closely and Baekhyun can barely manage to get out, “We can talk tomorrow, okay? In the daytime, when you’re not drunk.”

But Yixing doesn’t seem to hear him because he’s reaching out to gently brush Baekhyun’s hair back and staring at Baekhyun as if he’s forgotten everything he’s said in the past five minutes. He’s always been a terrible drunk, and Baekhyun knows he should get Yixing to bed before his situation spirals out of control, but Yixing is lightly trailing his fingers down the side of Baekhyun’s face and whispering, “You’re so beautiful, Baekhyun. Why did I let you go?”

Baekhyun’s certain he just felt his heart fall to his knees. The spark of Yixing’s touch still lingers under his skin but it’s overwhelmed by the sudden panic from Yixing’s words. Of all the things he expected Yixing to say, this was never even close to being on the list.

“Fuck, Yixing,” Baekhyun says, stepping back, stepping away, rubbing his hands over his face. “Fuck, you can’t just say shit like that anymore.”

Baekhyun turns around so he doesn’t have to see what kind of face Yixing is making. He searches instead for the television remote, finds it literally lying on the floor under Mongryong’s belly, and turns everything off. The silence that fills the room is staggering. All Baekhyun can hear now is the thumping of his frantic pulse in his ears, reminding him that this is most definitely not a dream, that Yixing is here, standing in his apartment, admitting things he probably would never if he wasn’t drunk, but that admitting it at all means he’s been thinking about this, and that’s--that’s just too much.

He takes a deep breath and walks back around to Yixing, who’s starting to look even more drunk than before. His drinks must be catching up to him. His tolerance really is awful. “Come here,” Baekhyun says, reaching out to take Yixing’s wrist and tug him toward the bedroom. “You can just...stay here tonight.”

“Baekhyun--” Yixing starts, but Baekhyun just shakes his head and pushes Yixing gently back onto his bed.

“Just sleep, okay?” he says. “We can...We can talk more later.”

He leaves the room before Yixing can stop him, shutting the door behind him, and then returns to the couch. Dropping his head into his hands, he lets out a deep groan. This is so far from anything he could have expected to happen with Yixing and he’s not sure what to think about it. In some ways, his drunken honesty tells Baekhyun more than he could’ve ever hoped to guess Yixing was feeling, but in others, he wishes he didn’t know at all. He wishes he could pretend this whole night hadn’t happened, that the almost-kiss from a few days ago hadn’t happened.

But pretending things aren’t happening is part of what ruined them in the first place and this time, well, Baekhyun doesn’t want to pretend. In the morning, he thinks, he and Yixing can talk. They will figure things about. For now, Baekhyun needs to sleep.

Of course that’s much easier said than done. His couch might be comfortable, but it doesn’t help lull him into slumber, not when his mind is buzzing with everything that’s happened. He can’t stop thinking about Yixing, about their past life together, about the slow, almost painstaking way they’ve managed to repair the bridge between them. Baekhyun doesn't know what to make of their relationship anymore.

Baekhyun’s not sure what time it is when he hears the door to his room creak open down the hall. He sits up, wincing at the slight crink in his neck from attempting to sleep on the couch, and peers through the darkness until Yixing’s familiar shape comes into view. There’s barely a sliver of light from outside filtering in through the little gap in the window shades, just enough to illuminate Yixing’s face. His hair is a mess and he looks at Baekhyun with tired eyes. Baekhyun wonders if he was able to sleep at all, or if he, too, has been lying awake all this time.

For a long moment, neither of them says anything. There’s just the sound of Mongryong’s puppy whimpering, the hum of the air conditioning. Then, Yixing says, “Come to bed.”

Baekhyun stares at him. His chest aches, his fingers curl into his thighs hard enough to leave bruises, and he knows instinctively, intellectually, that this is a bad idea. He doesn’t have to go with Yixing anywhere, and yet...And yet.

“Okay,” Baekhyun whispers as he stands. When he’s close enough, Yixing takes Baekhyun’s wrist, slides his fingers down until they lace through Baekhyun’s. So familiar, so strangely comfortable. Yixing leads the way back to bed, throws back the blanket and waits for Baekhyun to climb in first before he follows.

It’s even darker in Baekhyun’s bedroom, but his eyes have adjusted to the lack of light and when he turns to face Yixing, he can make out the soft curve of his face, the slope of his nose, the curl of his lips. His eyes shine and Baekhyun remembers all those years ago, all those nights they would spend, lying in bed together like this. Yixing would look at Baekhyun with such tenderness and Baekhyun would feel so loved, so at home, so safe.

Right now, he’s nervous. Yixing slides his fingers slowly along Baekhyun’s arm, up from his elbow to his shoulder. His touch leaves molten gold in its wake. Baekhyun bites his lower lip as his fingers thread gently through his hair, over his left ear, down the side of his face.

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says, his voice like a sweet lullaby in the middle of the night. Baekhyun isn’t sure he’s breathing. “Baekhyun...my Baekhyun, I’ve missed you so much.”

Baekhyun’s heart stutters to a stop in his chest minutely before bursting alive again, blood rushing in his ears, in his veins, all throughout his body. He feels it in his fingertips as he reaches out to curl his hand into the front of Yixing’s shirt. He feels it in his the tips of his toes. Yixing’s words repeat over and over in his mind in rapid succession, like an old recording that’s been played too many times and gets stuck on one line. And Baekhyun’s aware his words might be the effects of one too many drinks, but still he clings to them, revels in them, because the truth is that he feels the same.

“Yixing,” Baekhyun says, tugging him closer, closer, so close that he can see his eyelashes, the little pillow-creases against his cheek from when he must’ve been sleeping earlier, and he’s so beautiful, so warm and familiar and so much of everything Baekhyun has always wanted, always loved, that he can’t--He can’t hold back anymore. He’s been thinking about this for days. “Yixing, I--”

“It’s okay, Baekhyun,” Yixing whispers, and that’s all the confirmation Baekhyun needs.

He leans forward and kisses Yixing and for a second, all the worries, all the pain, all the hope fades away. Instead, there’s the familiarity of Yixing’s lips, the shape of his mouth against Baekhyun’s, the soft little sigh of relief as they part and then press back together. There’s Yixing’s hand smoothing to the back of Baekhyun’s neck, holding him in place as he kisses a little harder. There’s the deep, deep yearning bubbling up inside of Baekhyun’s chest.

It’s been three years, but this kiss feels like coming home.

And that...that’s too much to think about right now. Too much to try to understand or dissect or make any sense out of, so Baekhyun pushes the thought away, pushes it out of his mind in favor of his own instinct that is telling him to pull Yixing even closer, wrap his arms around his waist, slide his hands up his back, into his hair, let his fingers brush over the sides that have been shaved down like Baekhyun’s maybe wanted to do since that afternoon they ran into each other at Starbucks, what feels like eons ago. Yixing seems to tremble under his touch, his teeth catching on Baekhyun’s lower lip, and then he kisses back again with more fervor, more desperation. It’s like everything is going too slow and yet not fast enough as they fall into each other like they’ve never been apart.

“Is this--” Baekhyun gasps, breaking away to look at Yixing for the first time since they kissed. Somehow they’ve moved enough that Yixing is lying flat on his back and Baekhyun is hovering over him, practically straddling his thigh, and he deliriously thinks he should be embarrassed but instead all he feels is pride from the way Yixing’s lips are swollen and his chest heaves under Baekhyun’s palm from exertion. If there was more light, Baekhyun is sure there would be a faint blush on Yixing’s cheeks. “Is this really happening?”

“Yes,” Yixing says in an oh-so-soft voice, and he tucks Baekhyun’s hair back over his ear, follows it with a tiny tug the way he used to do so many years ago. “Why? Do you want to stop?”

“No,” Baekhyun says and then, without giving Yixing the chance to speak, without giving himself the chance to change his mind, Baekhyun closes the gap between them in another kiss.

It should be strange just how easily they come together, but instead it's as if they've never forgotten each other at all. Yixing's neck is still sensitive when Baekhyun's fingers slide up to cup his jaw, shivering under Baekhyun's touch, and Baekhyun still laughs against his lips at his reaction, has always found it so endearing. Yixing still kisses softly, sweetly, yet full of determination and enthusiasm that makes Baekhyun's head spin as he does his best to keep up.

A warm hand slides down from Baekhyun's hair along his back, settles at his waist. Fingers dip underneath the hem of his shirt, tracing along the waistband of his briefs around to the front of his stomach before slipping further up so Yixing can press his hand flat against his abs. The touch sends shiver after shiver up Baekhyun’s spine and he can't help it; he moans desperately into Yixing's mouth, edges in closer. Yixing doesn't protest, doesn’t stop him. If anything, he welcomes Baekhyun fully into his arms, his other hand falling over the curve of Baekhyun's ass until Baekhyun is nestled against him.

This is so crazy, Baekhyun thinks, as their kisses grow even more desperate. He doesn't want to part from Yixing at all, wants to feel his hands all over his body, his lips against his lips despite the lingering flavor of alcohol, wants to devour Yixing as much as he did years ago. He thought he was over this, he thought he'd pushed it all back, so far back he would never be able to reach it again, but instead it's flowing out of him like hot lava, thick and molten, enveloping him whole and burning him up with wicked want.

"Yixing," Baekhyun breathes, breaking away just long enough to meet Yixing's eyes. "Yixing..." He's not sure what he wants to say, what he wants to do, but Yixing doesn't seem to mind, just squeezes Baekhyun's butt gently, that comforting way he used to, and says, "Shhh, Baekhyun. It's okay."

Baekhyun believes him. With all his heart, he believes him. Has probably never stopped believing in him, or loving him. He looks down at Yixing, so handsome even in the faded darkness, eyes so soft, so fond, and Baekhyun _feels_ loved, from the way Yixing is holding him.

He doesn't know what's happening, not really, but Baekhyun will be damned if he lets this moment go.

When their lips touch again, Baekhyun is eager, frantic, nipping at Yixing's plush lower lip, tongue pushing into his mouth, licking over teeth, and he moans again, moving back just enough to allow Yixing's hands to slide even further up his shirt. His fingers brush over Baekhyun's nipples, eliciting another soft moan, and then Yixing draws his hands free entirely. Baekhyun almost whines in protest, but Yixing is pulling his shirt up, up, up, until Baekhyun breaks away long enough for Yixing to pull his shirt over his head. It lands somewhere behind Baekhyun in the dark abyss of his room, but Baekhyun thinks it's a grand idea, getting out of their clothes. Yixing is still wearing far too many.

It's easy to rid Yixing of his shirt, too, and Baekhyun licks his lips, as beautiful pale skin comes into view. He wishes he could--With a sudden spark of realization, Baekhyun reaches out toward the bedside table and throws on the small lamp.

Light floods the room and Baekhyun squints through it, trying to adjust. It's not too bright, just enough that when Baekhyun looks down at Yixing now, he can really, truly see him. Every curl of his eyelashes, every strand of his messy hair, every rise and fall of his chest. Baekhyun traces a finger along the sharp line of his jaw, delights fully in the flush spread across his cheeks, feels his mouth water as he soaks up the sight of his body.

"You've been working out," Yixing says with something like awe, as he lets his hands slide down to Baekhyun's abs.

"You've let yourself go," Baekhyun teases, poking at Yixing's stomach. There's the faint hint of abs there, but they're much softer than he remembers. He still likes it. He likes everything about Yixing. Three years has changed many things, but it hasn't changed that.

"Not quite as much fun going to the gym alone," Yixing says, and without giving Baekhyun the opportunity to reply, he curls his hand around the back of Baekhyun's neck and pulls him back into a kiss.

Now that he can feel Yixing, Baekhyun doesn't seem to want to do anything else. He lets his hands brush up his arms, over sharp collarbones, down his chest. He pinches a nipple between his fingers, laughs breathlessly at the way Yixing still groans at the sensation, and doesn't stop when his hands fall to the waistband of his jeans.

Baekhyun pulls back to swallow thickly, eyes boring into Yixing's as if for permission, for encouragement, something, anything. Yixing just stares back, open and soft and willing, and Baekhyun pops open the button on his pants, then follows slowly with the zipper.

He can't believe they're doing this, and yet, in some ways, maybe he can. Ever since they met again, it's been impossible to ignore the sparks when they'd touched, or the softness in Yixing's eyes when he looked at Baekhyun. And Baekhyun had tried to keep his distance, but instead found himself drawn to Yixing again and again as if this moment was always meant to happen this way, something inevitable, orchestrated by strings of fate. Baekhyun could only fall victim to Yixing's beautiful smiles, ache to kiss him for days, to feel him close again like this maybe ever since he left. He wonders if it's been the same for Yixing, too.

Baekhyun slips a hand down the front of Yixing's jeans, gasps along with Yixing as his palm rubs over his half-hard erection. Yixing's eyelashes flutter against his cheeks for a brief moment, but he doesn't look away from Baekhyun, not once. Instead he rubs little circles with his thumb into the skin of Baekhyun's hip, and he lies there in Baekhyun's bed as Baekhyun palms him firmly to full hardness, watching every pleasured detail as it passes across Yixing's beautiful face.

“Is this--” Baekhyun starts but Yixing cuts him off with a breathy, “Yes, yes, it’s--hold on, let me just--”

He releases Baekhyun in order to tug his jeans down his hips and Baekhyun groans as Yixing follows it with his underwear, revealing his firm thighs and hard cock, curving toward his stomach. Yixing laughs a little when he catches Baekhyun staring, kicking his clothes to the floor, and then reaches out to tug at Baekhyun’s boxer briefs.

“You, too,” he says, and Baekhyun licks his lips but nods.

Yixing helps him, and soon enough Baekhyun’s underwear is on the floor and he’s the one pressed against the sheets, his own cock heavy between his legs. He didn’t realize just how aroused he was until now, and as Yixing settles between his legs, sliding his hands up over Baekhyun's knees, he knows he’s only going to become even more desperate. Baekhyun watches as Yixing smiles down at him and lets his hands roam, up along the inside of Baekhyun’s thighs, up further to his hips, fingers pressing into the little dips of his pelvis before his hands fall right back down again. Every touch, every movement, leaves a flurry of goosebumps in his wake. Baekhyun whimpers softly at the touch, the wholehearted attention, bites his tongue to keep from moaning any louder as Yixing rubs a thumb over a ragged little scar above Baekhyun’s knee.

“What happened?” Yixing asks, voice coming out a little hesitant.

“I went mountain biking two years ago with Chanyeol and had a little accident,” Baekhyun says, chest squeezing around his heart as he speaks. Once, Yixing knew about every little mark and scar and mole across Baekhyun’s body. “It wasn’t life threatening or anything. Just hurt like a bitch.”

Yixing’s brows furrow as he looks back down at the scar, brushes his thumb over it again. Then, before Baekhyun can even guess what Yixing’s doing, he dips down to press a little kiss to the scar. It’s so gentle, so _intimate_ , that warmth blooms in Baekhyun’s chest, spreads out down to his fingertips, his toes. The familiar prickle of tears surface behind his eyes and he rapidly blinks them back, lets his hands fall to Yixing’s shoulders, holding on as Yixing continues to kiss him, moving up from the scar to his hip, to the little mole on his stomach.

When he makes to back to Baekhyun’s lips, Baekhyun is a whimpering, needy mess, his heart so full, his desire so overwhelming that all he can do is kiss Yixing back with hopeless reverence. Yixing presses into him, sliding a thigh between Baekhyun’s legs, a hand up his arm before pressing into the mattress just above Baekhyun’s shoulder. Their kiss grows deeper, harder, and Baekhyun lets his fingers dance down Yixing’s back until he can grab Yixing’s ass in his palms. He drags him closer like that, drinks in Yixing’s incredulous laugh that turns into a low, low moan when their cocks brush up against each other.

“Oh, fuck,” Baekhyun groans, suddenly fiercely desperate and aching for more, so much more. Anything and everything that Yixing can give him because this, this isn’t enough, and Baekhyun doesn’t think it ever will be again. “Oh, fuck, Yixing--”

“Do you have--Do you want me to--”

“Yes, yes,” Baekhyun says, delirious with desire, with pleasure, as Yixing rocks his hips forward again, rubs his cock over Baekhyun’s hip. “In the--In the drawer, please--”

“Okay,” Yixing says, and then he places one short kiss to Baekhyun’s lips, comforting almost, reassuring, and rolls off of Baekhyun in favor of yanking open the drawer to the night stand.

Baekhyun shivers from the sudden chill, swallows down the thickness in his throat, and curls his hand around his cock, gives himself a few tugs in an effort to calm him down. It doesn’t really work, but then Yixing is back, brandishing lube and a condom packet that he sets aside. He looks down at Baekhyun as he settles between Baekhyun’s legs again, and there’s a moment, just a tiny little moment where it seems like they’re asking each other once again: is this okay?

“Please,” Baekhyun whispers, reaching out to curl his fingers around Yixing’s wrist. He gives a soft squeeze, and Yixing turns his hand so he can lace their fingers together.

Baekhyun pulls his hand up to his lips to press a kiss to Yixing’s knuckles and then releases him, wriggles back against the sheets more comfortably. “Okay,” he says, “I’m ready.”

Baekhyun expects Yixing to quip back, something like _Are you?_ Instead, he smiles softly at Baekhyun and says, “Yeah, me too,” sliding a hand up Baekhyun’s thigh, as if he’s been waiting for this for a long time. Has been ready for a long time.

It overwhelms Baekhyun a little, thinking about that, so he pushes it back, focuses instead on watching as Yixing squeezes lube out onto his fingers and pushes them between his legs. It’s been a couple of months since Baekhyun’s been with anyone, so just the touch of someone else’s hands on him has him trembling. But this is also Yixing, and he knows it’s more than just that--this is years of being together, of learning each other’s bodies, and never once forgetting despite everything that has happened. This is Yixing knowing exactly where to crook his fingers, knowing just how much to tease, how much to push, stretching Baekhyun open so good Baekhyun can only curl his hands into the sheets beside him and moan and moan and moan.

Once Yixing is three fingers in and Baekhyun is rocking steadily down onto his hand, does Baekhyun feel the familiar tight coil of arousal low in his belly. He gasps, “That’s enough, please, or I’m going to come.”

“You can if you want,” Yixing says, and he sounds a little wrecked now just from watch Baekhyun falling slowly apart under his touch.

“No--I want--I want you to fuck me,” Baekhyun says, finally really says it, and with that he knows for sure he wants this, wants Yixing fully, and completely, and entirely. “Please, Yixing.”

“Yes, yes, okay,” Yixing breathes out in a rush, pulling his fingers free. “Where’s the--”

Baekhyun smacks a hand out to the side where he remembers Yixing had dropped the condom packet, feels around on the sheets until he finds it. He sits up so he can easily rip open the foil and then slides it onto Yixing’s cock for him, pride swelling his chest at the way Yixing groans, watches his every move. Baekhyun lets his fingers curl around his cock after, remembering so vividly how much Yixing had loved the sight of his fingers on him, and strokes him firmly until Yixing pushes him away.

“Okay, okay, I’m gonna come, too, if you keep doing that,” he says and he circles the base of his cock with tight fingers to keep his orgasm at bay.

“You can come if you want,” Baekhyun teases back, and Yixing laughs, one of those beautiful giggling laughs of his that light up his whole face. Baekhyun’s heart swells as he looks at him. Baekhyun’s missed him so much.

“We’d have to wait much longer to continue then,” Yixing says as he leans over Baekhyun, cupping the side of his face in his hand. “And I really want you right now.”

“Me, too,” Baekhyun says quickly, breathlessly, eagerly.

“Good,” Yixing says, eyes dark and warm as he pushes his cock slowly inside and kisses Baekhyun’s moan right out of his mouth.

And if that first kiss felt like coming home, then this, this feels like maybe they’ve never actually left, like the world has worked in mysterious ways just to bring them back together like this, because they were always meant to be together. This is comfort, and longing, and desperation, and familiarity. This is Yixing’s labored gasps against Baekhyun’s mouth, Baekhyun’s fingers digging into Yixing’s skin, dragging down his back. This is Yixing’s cock pushing all the way in and then slowly back out, the way he knows Baekhyun likes, this is Baekhyun hooking his leg around Yixing’s hip to draw him even closer with every thrust.

This, Baekhyun thinks, is the rekindling flame of a love that never truly burnt out. This, he thinks, might just be what he’s wanted ever since Yixing walked back into his life.

“Yixing,” Baekhyun whispers, not even sure what he’s asking for, or if he’s asking for anything at all. Maybe he just wants to say Yixing’s name, taste it on his tongue, watch the way Yixing’s gaze sharpens when he says it. “Yixing, Yixing, _Yixing_.”

“Shh,” Yixing soothes, leaning over Baekhyun with his forearms pressed into the bed on either side of Baekhyun’s head. His thrusts push Baekhyun against the pillows just a little each time, and Baekhyun rolls his hips down to meet him, eager to feel more of him, all of him. “It’s okay, Baekhyun, it’s okay.”

“I’m not going to last much longer,” Baekhyun tells him. He’s so overwhelmed from his own bursting emotions and the pleasure of Yixing’s touch that he can feel the tears he’s been holding back finally break free, dripping from the corners of his eyes and down his temple. The more he looks at Yixing, the more he falls further back in love.

“Me, either,” Yixing whispers, closing the space between them as he gently nudges Baekhyun’s cheek with the slope of his nose, finds his mouth with his own again. “It’s okay,” he says again, speaking against Baekhyun’s lips, breath hot. “Just come, Baekhyun, it’s okay.”

And Baekhyun does, some seconds, minutes later, as Yixing builds up the pace of his thrusts, pushes into him so good. He pushes a hand between them at the last second, wrapping his fingers around his cock to stroke himself to completion, moaning into Yixing’s mouth, melting into the sensational pleasure, body going hot and cold at once before settling into this delightful tingling feeling of sheer bliss.

His body tightens around Yixing’s cock, and Yixing groans as the steady rock of his hips begins to falter. He draws back, lifting himself up and pulling Baekhyun’s legs down from where they’re wrapped around his waist. Instead, he slides his palms up the back of Baekhyun’s thighs until his hands hook under Baekhyun's knees, pushes them down toward his chest and fucks into him harder, chasing his own orgasm.

It comes soon after, and Baekhyun revels in the sight of Yixing as he finishes, shoulders tensing, thighs trembling, his eyes falling shut and mouth a little slack. He’s so beautiful and Baekhyun doesn’t know how he ever let him go.

“Come here,” Baekhyun breathes out, and Yixing’s eyes flutter back open to look at him. His gaze is tender, his smile sweet, and Baekhyun wonders what kind of expression is on his face, hopes Yixing can feel just as much softness, as much love from Baekhyun as Baekhyun feels from him.

Yixing slips out between Baekhyun’s legs, rubs his hands soothingly down Baekhyun’s thighs when he winces slightly from the ache, and then rolls off the condom. Baekhyun points over the edge of the bed where he keeps a small trash bin and Yixing dutifully throws it away. The second he’s done, Baekhyun pulls him back in, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him again, and again, and again, until Yixing’s laughing against his lips and Baekhyun, too, feels his mouth stretching into an unbidden smile.

Their eyes meet, and there’s so many questions that pass between them, silent yet strong and unavoidable. But Yixing brushes Baekhyun’s sweaty hair out of his face, presses one last kiss to his forehead and says, “Sleep, Baekhyun. We’ll talk in the morning.”

Baekhyun smiles, burrows his head into Yixing’s chest and lets his eyes fall close in the comfort of Yixing’s arms.

 

 

♦

 

 

It’s too hot. That’s the first thought that fills Baekhyun’s head as the hands of slumber slowly release him. He doesn’t remember it being this hot, and he can’t hear the soft whir of the electric fan he usually leaves on during the night. He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing he could fall back asleep a little longer, but it really is way too hot. He needs to move, he needs to--

There’s a body next to him. There’s an arm over his waist, a chest far too close to Baekhyun’s face, and Baekhyun is on the verge of screaming in surprise, when he remembers.

Fuck. It’s _Yixing_. Baekhyun slept with _Yixing_.

He jerks back suddenly, not even caring if he wakes Yixing up, and manages to pull himself away from Yixing but almost topples off the bed, tangled in his sheets. His heart is hammering in his chest, thumping loud in his ears, and he stares down at Yixing from the side of the bed with wide eyes. Yixing continues to sleep on, lying naked and beautiful in Baekhyun’s bed, and Baekhyun remembers with such clarity the last time he’d looked at Yixing like this. He’d been so in love then, just a month before they had broken up, so completely unaware of what was to come, how a sudden declaration could have turned everything around.

Baekhyun throws the covers back over Yixing’s body and runs to shower. The cold, cold water clears his head but doesn’t erase the memories of last night. Every touch of Yixing’s fingers comes alive across Baekhyun’s skin. His lips still tingle from Yixing’s kisses. The ache in his legs hasn’t faded. He feels full and happy and yet, so afraid. In the light of morning, Baekhyun doesn’t know what to expect.

He tiptoes back into his room once he’s calmed down, and manages to pull on his favorite pair of Nike sweats when he hears Yixing stir behind him. Sure enough, when Baekhyun glances over at the bed, Yixing is stretching languidly across the sheets, arms over his head and hair a tangled mess falling into his eyes. His eyes blink open slowly and when he catches Baekhyun’s gaze, there’s this short moment of bliss, a smile tugging at his lips.

Then, as suddenly as Baekhyun had remembered, Yixing does, too, and his eyes go wide before he looks away, clearing his throat. He groans after, presses a hand to his head, and Baekhyun recalls how Yixing had been drunk the night before.

“How much did you drink?” Baekhyun asks him with a soft chuckle, surprising even himself as the words tumble out of his mouth without thought.

Yixing, too, seems surprised, glancing over at Baekhyun silently for a long moment. “Too much,” he ends up saying, and Baekhyun shakes his head.

“I’ll get you some water, and Advil, if you want,” Baekhyun says. Yixing is still staring at him. Baekhyun really should find a shirt, but after last night, it seems silly to feel so weirdly shy under Yixing’s gaze.

“Thanks,” Yixing says as he throws his legs over the side of the bed. He pauses, clenches his hands into fists at his knees, and says, “Baekhyun…”

“You should shower, too,” Baekhyun says quickly. He crosses the room to his dresser, yanks open a drawer and pulls out a shirt for himself, another for Yixing. “Here,” he says, tossing the shirt onto the bed. He pulls his own over his head without looking at Yixing. “You can grab a towel from the closet in the bathroom. I’m gonna go feed Mongryong.”

He doesn’t wait for Yixing to reply, just walks straight out the door. He finds Mongryong lying in a patch of warm sunlight on the kitchen floor, and he sits down beside him, taking deep, steadying breaths. Mongryong shuffles forward until his head is in Baekhyun’s lap, and Baekhyun scratches him behind the ears, waits until he can hear the shower running down the hall before he says, “What have I done, Mongryong? What did we do?”

Mongryong tilts his head to the side, tongue rolling out but saying nothing. Baekhyun’s so messed up right now, he was really expecting his puppy to give him answers. He sighs.

Baekhyun sits for minute or two longer, then pulls himself back to his feet. He fills up Mongryong’s bowls with water and food, watches as he digs right in, and wonders if Yixing would want to stay for breakfast. It’s not too late, and Baekhyun has about two hours until his first lesson. He knows they need to talk, but he doesn’t even know where to start. It’s not as if he can erase what happened between them, the misunderstandings, the distrust, the crushed hearts.

He grabs the Advil from one of the drawers for Yixing and then starts pulling bowls and spoons out of cupboards when he hears the shower cut off. It’s almost too silent in Baekhyun’s tiny apartment now, and he can hear the soft sound of Yixing’s footsteps as he walks down the hall. Baekhyun looks up and has to bite back a groan. Yixing fresh out of the shower, damp hair pushed back, skin so clear, wearing _Baekhyun’s shirt_ , looks so incredible Baekhyun wants to push him against the table and kiss him all over again.

Instead he smiles, a little weakly, maybe, and slides the Advil over the counter toward Yixing. “Here,” he says. “I’ll get you some water.”

“Thank you,” Yixing says, walking over. Baekhyun fills a glass, then turns back, only to find that Yixing has suddenly disappeared. He stares, blinking, then rounds the counter to find him crouched on the floor, petting Mongryong who looks delighted by the attention. He’s never been very wary of strangers.

Baekhyun chuckles as he joins them, sitting back on the floor and holding out Yixing’s glass. He takes it with a grateful nod and pops the Advil into his mouth that he’d been holding in his other hand, swallows it down with the water.

“So, this is Mongryong?” Yixing asks after, smiling down at Mongryong, who perks up at the sound of his name.

“Yup,” Baekhyun says. “He’s kind of a dummy, but I love him anyway.”

“He’s cute,” Yixing says with a laugh. “You’ve always wanted a puppy.”

Baekhyun nods, even as he feels the smile on his face turn a little wistful. He’d wanted to own a puppy with Yixing, once. “Yeah,” Baekhyun says quietly. “I got him a little after...My apartment felt too quiet, you know? He’s made things so much more lively.”

“You mean, your loud singing at all hours of the day wasn’t enough?” Yixing teases, but there’s a little sadness to his eyes at Baekhyun’s admission.

Baekhyun doesn’t want to dwell on that, so he nudges Yixing in the side with his elbow in retaliation. They sit in silence for a few minutes, just watching as Mongryong shuffles between them, when Baekhyun suddenly jerks up, remembering the time.

“Don’t you have to work?” he asks, turning to Yixing with surprise. Just because Baekhyun has a lax daily schedule doesn’t mean Yixing does.

“I do,” Yixing says with a nod. “But I called after my shower and let them know something came up and I’ll probably be in after lunch.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says, a strange mix between relieved and disappointed. If Yixing had left, Baekhyun could take more time to sort out his feelings, but he also knows that the longer they let this...sit between them, the worse it could potentially become. He doesn’t want that, either. The silence rings between them again, and it’s clear from the way they don’t make any effort to distract themselves or do anything else that they want to talk about what happened and just don’t know where to start.

Baekhyun ends up taking the plunge, when the tense quiet becomes too much for him to handle. He needs to get this out, and there’s no way to do that other than to talk about it. “I know...I know you were drunk last night, so,” he starts, wincing a little because that probably wasn’t the best way to open this conversation. “So if you don’t--”

“I knew what I was doing,” Yixing cuts in with a firm voice. Baekhyun looks over at him, and Yixing stares right back. “I remember everything and I wanted it. Isn’t it obvious that I want you?” The seriousness in his eyes fades away into something softer and he pauses for a moment, as if he’s trying to find the right words. Then, “Even now,” he says, “I still want you.”

Baekhyun’s breath catches in his throat at Yixing’s sweet, straightforward confession. He wasn’t expecting that, not one bit. He digs his teeth into his lower lip and drops his gaze, stares down at Mongryong’s little feet as he thinks, not just about last night, but about everything that’s happened between them, all the times they spent together, and the years they did not.

Baekhyun’s eyes fall shut as he curls his fingers into the holes of his jeans at his knees. The thoughts in his head paint themselves into full-fledged memories. The day they met, the day Yixing asked him out, when Baekhyun had pressed Yixing up against the door to his apartment and kissed him for the first time, eager and so, so happy. He sees, too, the morning it all fell apart, when the soft kisses and tender touches of a good morning had melted away into heartbreak.

“I asked you to marry me,” Baekhyun whispers quietly. His heart is breaking a little right now as he speaks. “I asked you to marry me and you said no.”

He remembers, clear as day, Yixing’s quiet rejection. The look on his face had been honest and open and Baekhyun...Baekhyun had been so stunned, at first all he could do was laugh. Maybe it was a joke. It had to be a joke, right? But the longer he had looked at Yixing’s face, the more obvious it become that Yixing was serious, and Baekhyun’s had never felt more alone and more destroyed than in that moment.

“You’re right. I said no,” Yixing says, cutting through Baekhyun’s faded memories and reminding him that Yixing is sitting right there beside him. He can feel Yixing’s on him, but Baekhyun doesn’t dare look, not yet. “But you completely pushed me away afterward, Baekhyun. Just because I didn’t want to marry you then, didn’t mean I didn’t love you or want to be with you.”

“What were we doing then?” Baekhyun says with fervent wonder, his eyes popping open so he can stare at Yixing now. “After all that time together and you didn’t even want to get married--Did you have any dreams about our future at all?”

A shadow of pain crosses over Yixing’s face. He clenches the now empty glass of water between his hands, but he looks at Baekhyun as he speaks, gaze unwavering. “Baekhyun, we were together for barely four years when you asked me,” he says quietly. “And maybe...maybe you were ready to think about marriage, but I wasn’t.”

Baekhyun’s known this, he’s known this for years, but it doesn’t hurt any less to hear it again. “I just...I don’t understand how that could be,” he says, even though he does, logically, intellectually. The problem is that logic pales in comparison to the deep, resounding pain of rejection. “I thought we were on the same page. I thought you wanted to be with me.”

“God, Baekhyun, of course I wanted to be with you,” Yixing says, and there’s frustration in his voice. Baekhyun’s frustrated, too, clenching his hands into fists in his lap. “We were boyfriends. We were in love.”

“Then why--Why didn’t you want more?” Baekhyun asks, questions that should have been asked three years ago but forgotten in the wake of their inconsequential fights, the rapid crumbling of their relationship.

Yixing opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He pauses and then looks down, and a few long moments of silence passes between them again. “I don’t know,” he answers. “I don’t know.”

It’s not the answer Baekhyun was hoping for, not the answer he had achingly imagined Yixing would say in the months right after the break up when he agonized over everything that had gone wrong. He’d tried to make sense of it then, had tried to understand, to not resent Yixing, but it’d been so hard. It’d have been easier, he thinks, if Yixing had never loved him as much as Baekhyun loved Yixing, easier if Yixing had fallen out of love entirely, but instead they had reached this limbo, where Baekhyun wanted more and Yixing wanted everything to stay as it was and in the end it felt like neither of them were going anywhere at all.

It’s almost the same to how everything is right now. This helpless sort of free fall where they’ve let themselves come back together but don’t know how to move forward. Last night feels like a world ago now, Yixing’s touch and his kisses and the sheer look of love in his eyes. Maybe it had all been a vivid dream.

Of course, the second Baekhyun catches Yixing’s gaze, he knows it wasn’t. He knows it was real, and despite everything they might feel right now, it had been beautiful. It had been familiar and new and Baekhyun wants more. He desperately wants more.

“What are we doing, Yixing,” he whispers, and it’s not really a question, because he’s not even sure if he’s asking Yixing as much as he’s asking himself. Everything feels so messed up right now.

The silence that keeps building between them is becoming almost stifling. Baekhyun itches to say more, but he finds himself staying quiet for once in his life, afraid of making things worse, afraid of what his honesty will bring. It’s Yixing who breaks this time, making a frustrated noise as he says, “Maybe this was all a mistake.”

“Wh-What?” Baekhyun breathes and his chest tightens painfully around his heart. This is...This is not what he was expecting. “Don’t--Don’t say that. You just told me that you wanted me.”

“Yes, but, this--We should’ve done this differently,” Yixing says, and he sighs, finally moves to stand up. He sets the glass on the counter and runs his hand through his hair as Baekhyun gets to his feet, too, Mongryong making a dissatisfied little whimper from losing Baekhyun’s lap as his pillow. Baekhyun shushes him quietly, and when he looks back up at Yixing, there’s uncertainty in the furrow of his brows. “I still love you, Baekhyun,” Yixing says then, without any preamble, any sort of warning, and Baekhyun feels all the air in his lungs leave him with a whoosh. “But I don’t know if you feel the same.”

Baekhyun wants to blurt if out that he does, that he definitely does, but the words--they get stuck in his throat, lost between the ringing in his ears and the frantic pulse of his heartbeat. All he can do is stare at Yixing helplessly, watches the way Yixing’s lips curl into a little wry smile.

“See? You can’t even say it,” Yixing says.

“That’s not fair,” Baekhyun croaks out.

Yixing just shakes his head a little, but he’s still smiling softly. “I don’t regret last night, and I don’t even regret sitting here and talking to you about this,” he says. “But do you really think we can move forward if you’re still stuck thinking about what happened in the past? Do you think that’s fair to me? To either of us?”

The obvious answer is no, of course it’s not, and Baekhyun knows that, he does, but nothing comes out. Yixing is right. If he can’t even tell Yixing how he really feels, how are they supposed to fix anything? If Baekhyun can’t accept that what happened between them in the past doesn’t have to define their future _now_ , then there’s no moving forward for them. Only stagnant sadness.

“I think I should go,” Yixing says, and the look on his face is unfathomable. Baekhyun wishes he could tell if Yixing was upset or mad or anything else, but instead his smile is just kind, as if he’s telling Baekhyun it’s okay that he doesn’t know what he wants. “We can...We can talk more, later. When you’re ready.”

“Yixing,” Baekhyun says, pleads, for what, he doesn't know, but Yixing just shakes his head again, and that’s that.

Yixing heads to the front door, slipping back into his shoes as Baekhyun watches, stomach in knots, heart in pieces, fingers itching to reach out and hold Yixing back, keep him here forever. He doesn’t, though, just watches as Yixing opens the door, but at the last second, before he leaves, Baekhyun blurts out, “Don’t disappear on me, okay? I don’t want--I just--I mean, don’t be a stranger.”

It’s not even close to what Baekhyun really wants to tell him, but it’s better than nothing. He doesn’t want Yixing to avoid him, and he doesn’t plan to avoid Yixing because of this, either. He just...He needs a little more time, that’s all, and he thinks Yixing understands that.

Yixing smiles at him, a genuine one that reaches his eyes. Then, he leans forward and presses the softest, gentlest kiss to Baekhyun’s lips. “I promise,” he says when he pulls away, and Baekhyun is left standing in his doorway, staring down the hall long after Yixing is gone, lips still tingling.

 

 

♦

 

 

Baekhyun goes through the next few days as if he’s in a daze. He smiles when necessary, speaks only when spoken to, and cracks jokes just to ensure no one thinks something is wrong. Kyungsoo tells him how Yixing had come by the lounge the night Baekhyun was out. “Did you hear anything from him?” he asks and Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Nope,” he says with a shrug and looks away before Kyungsoo can do his laser-eye thing.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Kyungsoo to know, but Baekhyun needs a little time to himself to process everything that’s happened before he seeks out advice. So much has changed in just a few days that it feels like he’s in a totally different world, one in which he and Yixing might possibly, potentially be able to remedy the mistakes they had made years ago. Baekhyun had long ago let go of the hopes and dreams about reuniting with Yixing, but now they’ve surfaced again, as bright and vivid and enticing as they’d been the first time around.

Not much changes either, really. Yixing keeps his promise, and doesn’t disappear. He texts Baekhyun inconsequential things the way they had been for awhile now.

 _looks like mongryong, don’t you think?_ he sends one day, with a picture of a little magnet of a cartoon Corgi.

It’d made Baekhyun smile after a long day, and he’d shown it to Mongryong, too. _mongryong tried to lick my phone, so i think he agrees_ , Baekhyun sends back and Yixing replies with a couple of laughing emoji faces.

It’s nothing grand or special. It’s just the two of them, taking things easy and being themselves. Baekhyun is grateful that Yixing isn’t pressuring him into deciding what he wants and he’s grateful even more that he knows what _Yixing_ wants. In some ways, it’s the reverse of how everything ended between them. Back then, Baekhyun was sure of what he wanted in regards to their future together, but Yixing not as much. This time around, while neither of them can be sure exactly how any of this will turn out, Yixing is the one who is sure that he wants to be with Baekhyun. He’s ready to be with Baekhyun, but Baekhyun is still hesitant, afraid of what might happen.

It’s kind of funny, how things turn out.

The following weekend, Baekhyun finds himself squashed in the back of Kyungsoo’s car beside Jongdae and Dahye while Chanyeol sits up in the passenger’s seat, taking up too much space with his long legs. They drive down to Santa Monica and meet up with the rest of their friends. Han and Minseok are slathering sunscreen over each other, while Victoria and Amber are spreading out a few more beach towels and chairs. Yixing is there, too, sitting in the sand and talking with Krystal. He catches Baekhyun’s eye when they approach, and smiles, and Baekhyun smiles back even as he tries to reel in the butterflies attempting to break free in his gut.

It’s barely been two weeks, he reminds himself with a shake of the head, but seeing Yixing again after the last time already feels so different. So new, and hopeful.

“Byun, come help me with the cooler, will you?” Jongdae yells at him, snapping Baekhyun out of his thoughts to look back at Jongdae struggling to carry the cooler over to where they’ve all set up camp.

“Are you telling me these arms are just for show, Jongdae?” Baekhyun teases as he walks over, poking Jongdae’s bicep with a finger. Jongdae glowers at him, but it smooths away when Baekhyun grabs one handle of the cooler and balances out the weight. They deposit it by the beach towels, setting it over the edge of two of them to keep them down against the wind. It’s a nice day out, hot but with a nice refreshing breeze. Baekhyun breathes in the scent of the saltwater and runs a hand through his hair.

“Who wants to go for a swim?” Chanyeol says loudly, already pulling his shirt off over his head. He throws it to the ground and looks around at the group, and starts yanking at Kyungsoo when no one reacts. “I could literally carry you to the water if you don’t strip.”

“You’ll die before you even try,” Kyungsoo says in a low voice, but he only manages to keep up the facade for a few minutes before he’s letting Chanyeol drag him to his feet.

Baekhyun laughs, picks out a water bottle from the cooler and then plops himself onto a beach towel beside Krystal. He watches as Chanyeol and Kyungsoo race each other to the water and Kyungsoo pushes Chanyeol in first. Chanyeol falls in with a tangle of limbs and comes spluttering back up a few seconds later, splashing water back at Kyungsoo in retaliation.

“They’re such kids,” Krystal says from beside him, shaking her head, her long bright pink hair billowing around her face.

“At least they keep things interesting,” Baekhyun says with a grin.

She peers at him from behind her large sunglasses, but then smiles a little. “Why aren’t you over there making a mess with them?” she asks. “Since you’re the most childish of us all?”

Baekhyun mock-gasps and places a hand over his chest. “I resent that,” he says. “I’m an adult, through and through.”

Behind him, Jongdae snorts and kicks sand at Baekhyun. “Yeah, sure you are,” he says. “You told me you wanted to spend the day playing Overwatch. We practically had to drag you out.”

“So?” Baekhyun retorts, childishly, and holds back an amused laugh at the way Jongdae and Krystal share a Look. “It’s too sunny out here for my delicate skin.”

“Suit up, then,” Minseok says as he joins them, tossing Baekhyun a bottle of sunscreen. He bends to pick out a drink from the cooler and Baekhyun teasingly whistles at the way most of his skin is on display. Minseok just laughs, the kind he does when he’s simultaneously embarrassed and flattered, and shakes his head. “Don’t become a lobster, Baekhyun,” he says and then he returns to Han, dropping off the drinks before he runs out to join Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.

Amber drags Victoria out a few minutes later, leaving Baekhyun alone now that Jongdae has spread out on a nearby beach towel beside Dahye, the two of them talking closely together, smiles on their faces. It makes Baekhyun smile, too, watching them, and he’s so lost in it, that soon enough he’s not so much watching as it his staring off in their direction, thoughts elsewhere.

He snaps out of it soon enough at the sound of Yixing’s bright, familiar laugh. He glances over in his direction, watches the way his laugh makes his shoulders shake and his eyes curl into little crescents. His sunglasses are hanging from the collar of his flimsy tank top and Baekhyun wonders how Yixing isn’t blinded right now from the sun. Baekhyun feels a little blinded just looking at him.

He tears his gaze away and it falls on the sunscreen Minseok had thrown to him earlier. He probably should put some on because Baekhyun _does_ have delicate skin, whether Jongdae believes him or not.

He’s pressed little dots of lotion onto his face when Yixing suddenly walks up to him, casting a shadow over Baekhyun as he steps in front of the sun. “Need any help with that?” he asks, peering down at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun licks his lips, goes through the pros and cons of Yixing helping him slather sunscreen over his body within two seconds, and says, “Get my back for me?”

“Sure,” Yixing says with a slow little smile, and he joins Baekhyun on the towel, settling behind him and tugging at the hem of his shirt.

Baekhyun lets him remove it, heart starting to pound in his chest which is honestly ridiculous because the _last_ time they were together they did much more than see each other without shirts. He tosses the sunscreen to Yixing and focuses on smoothing out the lotion still on his face. The first touch of Yixing’s hands on his skin still makes him gasp, and he bites his lip to keep himself under control.

“No Mongryong today?” Yixing asks and Baekhyun lets out a little whoosh of relief at the tame subject.

“He doesn’t really like the beach,” Baekhyun says with a fond chuckle, remembering the last time he’d brought Mongryong here to play and he’d been extremely overwhelmed by all the sand. “He’s a weird dog. My neighbor is watching him instead, he’s got like three poodles so he’s good with dogs.”

“Aww, I would’ve liked to see him again,” Yixing says. “He’s really cute.”

Baekhyun huffs. “Is Mongryong more cute or am I?” he demands, mostly teasing, but he glances over his shoulder to see Yixing’s reaction anyway.

“No one’s cuter than you, Baekhyun,” Yixing says softly, and Baekhyun feels heat flood his face. It has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with the fact he wasn’t expecting Yixing to reply so honestly. “Even now,” Yixing continues, before Baekhyun can look away, “with sunscreen still on your nose, you’re cute.”

“What?” Baekhyun yelps. “I thought I got it all.”

“Here--” Yixing reaches out to smooth his fingers over Baekhyun’s nose gently, rubbing the remaining lotion into his skin. The butterflies Baekhyun had tried to hold back have broken free now, and it’s all he can do not to close the short distance between them with a kiss the moment their eyes meet.

When Yixing pulls his hand back, Baekhyun whispers, “Thanks,” and turns back around so fast he practically gives himself whiplash.

Yixing says nothing, just continues to finish spreading sunscreen over Baekhyun’s back and Baekhyun digs his toes into the sand. Every touch reminds Baekhyun of when they spent the night together, Yixing’s fingers leaving red-hot trails across his skin, so gentle and soothing yet igniting a fire within. Baekhyun attempts to distract himself by applying the lotion to his chest, but it doesn’t work. All he can focus on is Yixing’s hands, Yixing’s touch, the weight of Yixing’s gaze.

It doesn’t last for much longer thankfully. Baekhyun yelps when Yixing snaps the waistband of his swim shorts and laughs, “There. You’re done.”

Baekhyun pouts as he looks at him, rubbing the skin of his waist. He’s about to quip something back, but then Yixing stands and pulls his tank top right off over his head. Baekhyun’s mouth goes dry and whatever he’d been thinking to say is lost in the sight of Yixing’s beautiful skin. “Are you coming, or not?” Yixing asks, tossing Baekhyun a sly smirk before he darts off toward the water. Baekhyun yells after him, quickly sets his sunglasses aside and rushes behind.

He’s not entirely sure what comes over him, maybe it's the energy of the rest of his friends, maybe it's just because of Yixing's bright smile, but Baekhyun tackles Yixing into the water, practically jumping on his back and sending them both under the surface. Baekhyun gets water in his ears and up his nose, but he's laughing when he breaks free, shaking the water out of his face and peering through his damp eyelashes at Yixing, who is slicking his hair back with both his hands.

Their eyes meet and Baekhyun suddenly feels like maybe there's water in his lungs, too, because it's a little hard to breathe, with the way Yixing slowly smiles at him, his face lighting up almost brighter than the sun behind him. Beads of water cling to his skin, dripping down his jawline, pooling into the dip of his clavicle, and god, Baekhyun wants to touch him, wants to put his mouth all over him, lick off every little droplet--

A splash of water hits the side of his face and he yelps, whirling around to find Kyungsoo staring at him, something like surprise on his face. Baekhyun knows he was staring, but he's not sure it deserves this kind of reaction. "What?" he asks Kyungsoo, but instead of explaining anything, Kyungsoo just shakes his head and splashes water into his face again. "Hey!" Baekhyun sputters, glaring, and Kyungsoo laughs.

"Get your head out of the clouds, Baekhyun," he says.

Baekhyun just splashes water back at him for the trouble, and ends up with Kyungsoo tackling _him_ into the water.

The rest of the afternoon continues much like this, alternating between throwing each other into the waves and drying off under the hot sun. Baekhyun has to reapply sunscreen every hour just to ensure he doesn't become a lobster, but he doesn't ask Yixing to help him again. He doesn't think he can take it, not when he's already so attuned to Yixing's every move today. It's ridiculous but it's like he's seeing Yixing for the first time, because he knows now that Yixing still loves him, and he knows now that Yixing wants to be with him, and it’s different from when they had actually first run into each other after the break up. He knows that Yixing is still as gentle and as sweet a lover as he had been years ago, and he still looks at Baekhyun with such affection every time their eyes meet that Baekhyun thinks he's blushed more today than he has all year and it's crazy, but he likes it. He likes the attention, he likes Yixing's smiles, he likes the way Yixing doesn't shy away from his touch, doesn't hesitate to touch Baekhyun, either.

He brushes the hair out of Baekhyun's face, he wipes sand off his shoulders, he hands Baekhyun a beer and lets their fingers touch, warmth seeping between them. He spreads out across a beach towel and tickles the bottom of Baekhyun's foot just to hear him scream, and he's so full of life and so beautiful that Baekhyun can't take his eyes off him.

They play frisbee and drink and dare each other to run naked into the water. Chanyeol whips his guitar out from nowhere and starts playing the randomest of songs that make the rest of them laugh. Baekhyun finds himself sitting beside Yixing, basking in the sunshine, the soothing breeze, the sounds of the waves as they roll onto the shore. He takes pictures as Minseok and Jongdae bury a sleeping Han into the sand, sings along with Krystal to the songs Chanyeol plays. Beside him, Yixing is drawing little designs into the sand, talking quietly to Dahye on his other side, and Baekhyun reaches out to take Yixing's hand in his without even thinking about it. Sand slips out between their fingers and Yixing glances up at him, but the surprise in his eyes fades away into that familiar affection, and he doesn't stop Baekhyun from gently sliding their palms against each other. He plays with Yixing's hand the way Yixing had been playing with the sand, letting their fingers lace together and then apart again.

When he looks up, he catches Kyungsoo looking at him again, and even Jongdae is raising his brows at him, looking between their laced hands and Baekhyun's face. Baekhyun shakes his head a little and Jongdae mouths, "We'll talk later."

Baekhyun just shrugs a little, smiling as he drops his gaze. There might be a storm brewing inside him, full of all the uncertainties he hasn't figured out yet, but right now it's like none of that matters. He feels calm, even safe, enjoying the way Yixing's fingers feel against his.

 

 

♦

 

 

Jongdae fulfills on his promise of talking later, because he shows up the next afternoon with Kyungsoo and boxes of pizza that he practically slams onto Baekhyun's kitchen counter and says, " _Tell us everything_."

"What about?" Baekhyun says, bats his eyelashes coyly like he has no idea. Kyungsoo reaches up to pull on Baekhyun's right ear until he's nearly cowering on the floor and yelping to be freed. "Okay, okay! I was kidding, come on, can't you take a joke?"

"No," says Kyungsoo as he releases Baekhyun, and Baekhyun slumps to the floor with a whine, rubbing at his ear. Kyungsoo ruffles his hair as he walks around him, takes one of the boxes of pizza to the living room. Jongdae holds a hand out and helps Baekhyun back to his feet, a few bottles of beer tucked under his other arm, and Baekhyun grabs the other pizza box before they join Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun curls up with a slice of pizza in the arm chair as his friends take the couch, Mongryong dozing off between them, and he's barely got a bite in before they're both staring at him expectantly. Baekhyun swallows down his mouthful and then sighs and says, "I slept with Yixing."

This is clearly not what either Jongdae or Kyungsoo were expecting because they stare at him in stunned silence for so long the tip of Jongdae's pizza he's holding up starts drooping toward his lap. Baekhyun kind of enjoys the reaction, holding back a laugh as he takes another bite of his pizza instead, watching as they process the news.

"You did what?" Jongdae exclaims, recovering first. He tosses his pizza back into the box like he can't even fathom eating in light of this new development.

"Baekhyun, two months ago you said you didn't even want to be Yixing's friend," Kyungsoo says.

"Yeah, well, that was before and...this is now?" Baekhyun says and Kyungsoo peels a pepperoni off his pizza to throw it at Baekhyun's face. Baekhyun catches it and pops it into his mouth as Kyungsoo groans, and Baekhyun flashes him a smug smile as he wipes his fingers off onto his jeans. "Look, I don't know how to explain it all, but he stopped by the other week and things happened and..."

"Fuck, Baekhyun, how did you keep this a secret for that long?" Jongdae asks, and he looks vaguely impressed.

Baekhyun shrugs. "I've been trying to work through it all myself, you know?" he says. "It wasn't just that we had sex but we...we talked, too, about what happened the last time and what we want now."

"And?" Kyungsoo prompts. "What _do_ you want now?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out," Baekhyun admits. "Yixing...Yixing said he still loves me. That he wants to be with me, and I..."

"You still love him, too, don't you?" Jongdae asks softly, a hint of a smile on his face. "I mean, you don't really have to answer that because it was grossly obvious at the beach yesterday. The way you kept looking at him, it was like--"

"Like how the two of you were years ago," Kyungsoo finishes. "I wasn't expecting to see you so...touchy-feely like that yesterday."

"It's not like I was expecting this to happen either," Baekhyun defends himself, straightening up in his seat and frowning a little. "I thought three years was enough time to get over him, but the more time we started spending together, the more, well, I realized I wasn't."

"Clearly," Jongdae snorts, and he finally picks back up the slice he'd discarded earlier, takes a huge bite from the end. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" he asks around his full mouth.

"Not at all," Baekhyun laughs.

"Well, if yesterday was anything to go by, I'd say you know what you want," Kyungsoo says. "So what's got you so worried? If you know what you want, why are we here with you instead of Yixing?"

Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair, shifts around in the chair to get more comfortable again. He stares at the pizza but finds he's suddenly not very hungry, and takes a drink from his beer instead. "I just...I don't want things to turn out the way they had last time," Baekhyun says afterward.

"Well, that's definitely a good reason to be cautious but, you know you guys aren't the same people as you were three years ago, right?" Jongdae says. "Things have changed and you've both changed, too."

“I know I have,” Baekhyun says, because that much Baekhyun is certain about. Three years out of a major relationship gave Baekhyun the chance to learn more about himself and grow as a person. Merely the fact that he’s sitting here, taking the time to figure all of this out instead of diving back in headfirst proves how much he’s changed. He sighs, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. “I know I have, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it, you know? But I guess you're right. This time, at least, I don't think I'd give up as easily."

"You are taking the time to think things through, which says something," Kyungsoo says with a little smirk, and even though Baekhyun was just thinking the same thing, he still leaps out of his chair so he can punch Kyungsoo in the shoulder. Kyungsoo just laughs, loud enough that it rouses Mongryong, who jerks up on the couch with high little barks. Jongdae calms him down with a few pets on the head, and then helps him off the couch entirely.

Kyungsoo shoves Baekhyun into the middle of the couch in the space Mongryong vacated, and Baekhyun slumps back, stretching his legs out under the coffee table. "I don't know what to do," he says quietly. "Is it wrong to hope this will work out this time?"

"No," Jongdae says immediately, dropping a hand to Baekhyun's thigh and giving him a reassuring squeeze. "You guys were so good together. It's not wrong to want that again."

"I don't think that's ever been the issue really. No one's ever questioned how much you loved each other back then," Kyungsoo says, always the voice of reason. "It’s just are you willing to be with him after what happened? You both wanted such different things and it didn't end well last time. What makes this so different?"

Baekhyun bites his lower lip as he considers Kyungsoo’s words. He’s got a point. Things didn’t end well last time. Baekhyun can still feel the pain of that evening they broke up, the ache of Yixing’s rejection to Baekhyun’s hopeful proposal, but this time...This time is different.

“I don’t want to give him up again,” Baekhyun says. “Last time...I didn’t fight. I let my own anger and insecurities get the better of me and I didn’t--I wasn’t able to keep him.” It hurts, saying this out loud, but it’s the truth, and Baekhyun’s known it for a long time. He’s not the only one to blame, but if Baekhyun could return to the past, he would have done things so much differently. Instead, he has this new opportunity to make things right, and he remembers what Yixing had said, how Baekhyun couldn’t move on unless he let himself let go of the past. He knows he won't ever be able to forget entirely, but Yixing is right, and Baekhyun has to stop dwelling on how the past will affect the present if he wants this new thing with Yixing to go anywhere.

Baekhyun sighs, rubbing his hands over his face as he feels a headache coming on from all this thinking, and then dives forward to grab another piece of pizza. He stuffs half of it in his mouth at once.

"That's the spirit," Jongdae laughs. "Eat your feelings."

Baekhyun nods in agreement, cheeks full.

The topic drops after that, and Baekhyun is grateful. He's been thinking about it too much anyway, and right now all he'd like is to think about anything else for awhile. They end up watching a movie together, sprawled across Baekhyun's couch, and Baekhyun's just happy to know that no matter what happens with Yixing, he's still got this.

 

 

♦

 

 

When Yixing texts Baekhyun about whether he has time to stop by the studio to listen to the song he'd recorded, Baekhyun barely even thinks about it. He sends off a quick, _give me a time and i'll be there_ , and shows up ten minutes early a few days later, meeting Yixing at the door.

"It's not the finalized version, of course," Yixing says as they sit down on the couch in his studio. Yixing picks up his laptop from the side and places it in his lap, and closes out of a few windows on his screen. "I mean, I'd like it if we could record it again, when you're more comfortable with it, if you want--"

"I'd like that," Baekhyun cuts in, because he remembers how nervous he'd been the last time, and how abruptly their session had ended. "I can sing it even better if I practice it a little more. You should send me a copy of this so I can play it at home."

Yixing smiles over at Baekhyun almost proudly like he's pleased Baekhyun is so invested in this even though it's simply a demo recording. Baekhyun feels kind of proud too, just from making Yixing look at him like that and he grins back, comfortable, easy. Yixing looks so nice today, in washed out jeans and a button up that he's tucked in. His hair is pushed out of his face by a thin wired headband and it highlights his nice forehead, the line of his jaw. His earring sparkles when he moves just right.

Baekhyun wants to crawl in his lap and kiss him but he folds his hands together and does no such thing. Instead he groans at himself for showing up in ripped jeans and a faded UCLA shirt from years ago that he never bothered to replace. At least he washed his hair. "Okay, play the song for me," he says, pushing aside all his other thoughts to focus on the actual reason he came here.

Yixing starts a little, quickly looking back at his laptop as he clears his throat. "Right, okay," he says, sounding much like he forgot the reason Baekhyun was here, too.

He plays the song for Baekhyun and Baekhyun leans back against the couch as he listens. It's interesting hearing himself like this in a song that someone else wrote and put together. "Did you add something to it? It sounds different than the last time," Baekhyun asks.

"Yeah, I put in some more guitar in the background," Yixing says with a nod. "Thought it needed a little something after the fact."

"It's really nice," Baekhyun says, smiling at Yixing. "I like it better than the original."

Yixing slides his right hand away from his laptop to Baekhyun's knee instead, gives him a little squeeze. "I'm glad," he says. "I--I really hoped you would."

Baekhyun tilts his head to the side curiously. "What were you thinking about when you wrote this song?" he asks.

Yixing laughs softly, glancing back at Baekhyun with something akin to shy embarrassment. "You," he says as if it should be obvious, but Baekhyun just gapes at him, stunned, even though he'd wondered if maybe that was possible. At Baekhyun's reaction, Yixing laughs again, more fully, the corners of his eyes crinkling in his amusement. "Is it that surprising?"

"I--No, it's just that, well, I'd have thought songs about me would be more...I don't know. I was expecting something sad, not something so sweet," he says, and he feels his cheeks grow hot the more he speaks.

"I have sad songs, too," Yixing admits. He looks away just long enough to set his laptop onto the small table in front of the couch, then turns back to Baekhyun, twisting around a little to face him properly. "There are angry ones too, even, but I wrote this song after I got back, actually. I...I don't know, I think I was hopeful, after seeing you again."

"Even though I said we couldn't be friends?" Baekhyun teases. That day, that conversation, it feels like years ago now. He doesn't regret his decision then, just as much as he doesn't regret anything that has happened since.

Yixing laughs. "Even then," he agrees and he looks at Baekhyun with such sudden fondness that Baekhyun's sure that his heart is melting in his chest. He's still not used to that look.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out, and Yixing draws back, eyes widening in surprise. Baekhyun whines in protest, and grabs Yixing's hand in both of his, almost as comfort for himself as much as for Yixing, because he knows he has to get this out. "I mean--I'm sorry for everything that happened between us," Baekhyun says, and he knows he doesn't have to specify, can see the realization in Yixing's eyes as he relaxes a bit. "I'm sorry for not believing in you, for thinking that just because you didn't want to marry me, it meant you didn't love me as much as I loved you."

Yixing bites his lower lip between his teeth and looks down at their hands. He lets his thumb rub over Baekhyun's knuckles softly as he says, "I'm sorry, too. For hurting you. I never meant to do that."

"I know," Baekhyun says. "I never wanted that either."

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to give you what you wanted," Yixing says and Baekhyun's chest tightens around his heart at the familiar words. They're the same words Yixing had said when they'd broken up, when Yixing had joined Baekhyun on a Sunday evening, sitting beside him on the couch just like this, and said, "I think we should break up. I can't give you what you want."

Baekhyun, back then, still sore from Yixing's rejection nearly a month earlier, couldn't find any reason then to stay. "Okay," he'd said, heart breaking. He could see it in Yixing's eyes, too. "Okay."

That had been it. Nearly four years of what Baekhyun had thought was the greatest, most wonderful relationship he had ever been in--over like that, in just a few seconds.

It seems impossible that they could be here now, talking about that day, about the mistakes they made and the things they wanted but couldn't fulfill and not necessarily be okay with it, but understand it, accept it, and be willing to move on. Baekhyun has spent days and days thinking about what he wants, about whether he's strong enough or brave enough to be with Yixing again after everything that has happened, but when he looks at Yixing and sees the hope in his eyes, when he sits here beside him, holding his hands like he can practically _feel_ Yixing's love through the firm grasp of his palm, Baekhyun knows he can't give up this time. He doesn't want to give up this time.

"You...You asked me if it was fair to either of us to be together if I was still thinking about what happened in the past," Baekhyun says. "And you were right, you know, it wouldn't be fair. That's not how any relationship should start and I don't...I don't want us to start over again unevenly. I want us to be on the same page."

Yixing is watching Baekhyun closely like if he so much as blinks or looks away, he'll miss something important. Baekhyun watches the way his adam's apple bobs in his throat as he swallows and then he says, "What--What are you saying, exactly?"

"I'm saying that I've thought about it," Baekhyun says, holding onto Yixing's hand a little tighter for strength. "I've been thinking about everything that we were and everything that we _are_ and how much things have changed, and I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that I still love you, Yixing. I don't think I ever really stopped loving you."

There’s a moment of silence, as Yixing seems to absorb Baekhyun’s words, and before Baekhyun can worry himself into a panic that maybe he waited too long and Yixing’s already over it, Yixing is laughing breathlessly and tugging at Baekhyun’s hands, pulling him close, closer than close, until he’s able to take Baekhyun’s face between his hands and whisper, “I was hoping you would say that.”

Baekhyun kisses him, bridging the space between them with a passionate press of his lips. Yixing gasps against his mouth, but then recovers smoothly, letting his hands slide up into Baekhyun’s hair, down his arms until he can wrap them around Baekhyun’s waist and bring him closer. There’s nowhere to go but Yixing’s lap, and Baekhyun easily settles himself there without ever once breaking their kiss, looping his own arms around Yixing’s shoulders, fingers brushing up along the back of Yixing’s neck to feel him shiver.

There’s relief in every press of their lips, hope in every breathless gasp, desperation in every touch of their hands against each other’s skin. It’s a kiss full of an old, lingering love, and a new, unabated desire, and it makes Baekhyun’s head spin, his heart full. This feels so good Baekhyun doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want to pull away, doesn’t ever want to let Yixing go.

It’s inevitable though, that they have to part, gasping for air. Yixing presses his forehead against Baekhyun’s, laughing incredulously, his eyes shining as he looks up at Baekhyun, and Baekhyun slides his fingers up along Yixing’s jaw, brushes his thumbs over Yixing’s cheekbones. “So, are we really doing this?” Yixing asks soft, his breath tickling along the skin of the inside of Baekhyun’s wrists.

“Yes,” Baekhyun says. He doesn’t have to think about it anymore. “I want to be with you, just like you said you wanted to be with me.” He laughs, and teases, “Unless that’s changed.”

“You caught me,” Yixing says, “I was really thinking about asking Krystal out on a date.”

Baekhyun mock-gasps. “Is that why you two were so cozy at the beach the other day?” he says, squinting his eyes at Yixing. “I knew it.”

Yixing just laughs, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun a little more snug. He kisses Baekhyun again gently, sweetly, the kind of kiss the rapidly falls apart as they’re both too busy smiling to let their lips touch properly. “I thought we were pretty cozy, too,” Yixing says softly. “Don’t you think?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun agrees, remembering the way they’d held hands in the sand, Baekhyun’s head on Yixing’s shoulder. “I liked it.”

“Me, too,” Yixing says with a bright, beautiful grin. It makes Baekhyun’s heart warm just looking at him, and he kisses him again, through his exuberant laughter that just won’t quit. “You really want this?” Yixing asks again, and Baekhyun can tell it’s not because he doesn’t believe Baekhyun, but because he wants to be sure.

“I really do,” Baekhyun says, smiling down at him, full of hope and excitement for the future.

 

 

♦

 

 

“I don’t see why you’re trying so hard to impress him,” Kyungsoo says from the other side of the dressing room door. “Yixing’s already in love with you. He’s literally seen you at your worst. Remember that long weekend where you did nothing but play through all of Dragon Age for like the tenth time? Like, you didn’t even shower but Yixing found the whole thing _endearing_.” He says the last word with something akin to disgust and it makes Baekhyun laugh as he shimmies into a new pair of jeans.

“Don’t hate just because you don’t have anyone to love you in your darkest moments, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun teases. He glances into the long mirror, smooths a hand down the shirt he’s trying on, and then flings open the door, poses dramatically against the frame. “What do you think?”

“I think Yixing’s already seen you naked, so this is entirely pointless,” Kyungsoo deadpans.

“Buzzkill,” Baekhyun says, but Kyungsoo just rolls his eyes. “I still want to look nice. This is our first date.”

“It’s not _really_ ,” Kyungsoo points out.

“Yeah, but it still feels like it is,” Baekhyun says as he steps back into the dressing room. Kyungsoo follows him and brusquely looks through the remaining garments on the racks. “I don’t want to think about it like it’s a completely fresh start or anything, but at the same time, it feels new.”

“You’re nervous,” Kyungsoo says, matter of fact, raising his brow at Baekhyun in the mirror, and Baekhyun sighs, nodding.

“Is that stupid?”

“No,” Kyungsoo says. “What’s stupid is that shirt. It makes you look like broccoli.”

Baekhyun gasps, quickly closes the door to the room and pulls the shirt off over his head. Kyungsoo throws another shirt into his face and says, “Try this.” He gives Baekhyun a once over and adds, “I think the jeans are nice.”

Baekhyun feels some of his panic relax at that. “Thanks,” he says. He unbuttons the soft blue shirt Kyungsoo had given him and sticks his arms through the sleeves. “I’m sorry about dragging you around for this, by the way.”

Kyungsoo snorts. “No, you’re not,” he laughs, leaning back against one of the walls of the small dressing room, giving Baekhyun the space to dress. “You enjoy making me suffer.”

“I do,” Baekhyun agrees easily, grinning up at him. “It’s the basis of our friendship.”

Kyungsoo lets out a long-suffering sigh, but he still smiles after anyway. “So, have you figured out where you’re taking him yet?” Kyungsoo asks.

“There’s a musical playing in town,” Baekhyun says as he gets the last button into place and whirls around to inspect himself in the mirror. “I was thinking we could go see that, catch dinner, nothing too fancy, you know?”

“Yeah, keep it simple,” Kyungsoo agrees. “You’re going to be enough of a nervous wreck already.” Baekhyun pouts at him through the mirror and Kyungsoo just smirks and adds, “You still have a few days to go. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“I hope so,” Baekhyun says, tucking in the ends of the shirt into his jeans to see how he likes it like that. It’s a nice shirt, with thin stripes in a darker blue, and he thinks he looks pretty good. “Not everyone gets a second chance to be with someone they love. I don’t want to mess anything up when we’re just starting out again.”

“You’ll be _fine_ ,” Kyungsoo insists encouragingly. “Honestly, Baekhyun, you and Yixing, you were always good together before so it’s not impossible to think you’ll be just as good together this time, too. It might be weird at first, but you’ll get the hang of things. Just the fact you both want to try this again means you’re willing to make it work this time and that’s what’s important.”

Baekhyun bites his lip, giving his reflection one last look before turning to Kyungsoo. “Yeah, but--”

“No buts,” Kyungsoo cuts in, stepping up to Baekhyun and grabbing his shoulders. He gives him a little shake and continues, “Stop stressing. It’s going to be amazing. You already look great, and Yixing is going to fall in love with you all over again.”

That makes Baekhyun laugh, the knots in his stomach loosening as Kyungsoo smiles back at him warmly. “You think so?”

“I know it,” Kyungsoo says firmly, and Baekhyun believes him. “Now strip so you can pay for the clothes and we can go meet Chanyeol for dinner.”

“I always knew you wanted to see me naked,” Baekhyun quips, leering at him, and Kyungsoo lifts his hands from Baekhyun’s shoulders to take his ears between his fingers and pull, hard. Baekhyun cries out loudly enough that a sales assistant knocks on the door and startles them both, asking if everything is okay. “Yeah, sorry! Be out in a minute,” Baekhyun calls back, and pouts at Kyungsoo when he moves away, rubbing at both his ears with his palms.

“I’ll wait for you outside, okay?” Kyungsoo says, and Baekhyun nods, waits for him to close the door behind him and then quickly changes back into his own clothes, folding the ones he’s planning on buying nicely together in a stack.

He pays without minimal fuss and then finds Kyungsoo waiting just outside the shop, tapping at his phone. He looks up when Baekhyun approaches and smiles, tucks his phone away. “Chanyeol said he’s already there and saving us a table,” he says. He glances at the bag in Baekhyun’s hand. “Got everything?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun confirms with a grin. He slings an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders as they walk toward his car and gives his arm a little squeeze. “Thanks, you know, for knocking some sense into me.”

“Are you less freaked out now?”

“No, I’m still freaking out,” Baekhyun laughs. “But I’m also pretty confident that everything will be okay despite the panic.”

“Just be yourself, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says softly. “Yixing loves you. You don’t need to worry about anything else.”

Kyungsoo’s right, like he usually is, and Baekhyun lets his words settle in his heart and do its best to erase any lingering trace of an impending nervous breakdown. “Okay,” Baekhyun says, nodding to himself in reassurement. “I can do this.”

For Yixing, for this second chance, Baekhyun thinks he will do anything.

 

 

♦

 

 

“Remember to sit up a little straighter, okay?” Baekhyun says to the girl sitting at the piano bench. She jerks up straight almost instantly and he laughs. “Don’t be too tense, though. Just relax! You’ve been playing really well.”

“Thanks,” she says with a meek smile, and Baekhyun pats her shoulder.

“All right, you’re done. Practice the few things we talked about and you’ll be ready for the recital by the end of the year.”

She thanks him again and gathers up her music sheets from the piano stand before flying back to her seat. Baekhyun glances around the large function room at the studio where they host most of their group events. He’s got all his students here for a mock-recital to give them practice for playing in front of a crowd and to go over their pieces even more. There’s only two more kids to go through, and he calls one of them up to the piano, smiling warmly at him.

“Don’t be nervous,” he says, because the boy looks totally afraid of performing with everyone else watching. “This is just practice. It’s okay to make mistakes.”

The boy nods, hair flying in his face, and Baekhyun chuckles, helps him open his book up to the right page. He hears the door to the room opening over the hushed chatter of the other kids and a few of their parents, and looks over to find Yixing stepping into the back. Baekhyun’s heart leaps to his throat at the sight of him. Yixing’s in a suit that fits him far too well, and he leans against the back wall so as to not get in the way. His hair is styled up from his face and he smiles widely at Baekhyun when he catches Baekhyun’s eye, lifting a hand to wave. Baekhyun has to look away or else he’ll be tempted to run over and kiss Yixing breathless with all of his students watching and that probably wouldn’t be a very good idea.

Knowing Yixing’s in the room doesn’t make Baekhyun panic the way it had that night at the lounge so long ago. Instead, he finds his presence comforting, warmth settling in his chest knowing that Yixing is here to see him after his long day. Baekhyun keeps his focus on his kids though, helps the last two students with their pieces and then claps his hands together when they’re all done.

“I know you’re all nervous for the recital, but we still have a couple of months to keep practicing!” he says with a encouraging smile. “You’re doing amazing, I swear. I bet you were all pianists in a past life, right? Right?”

The kids laugh, and even a few parents crack smiles which makes Baekhyun feel pretty accomplished. “Keep practicing like I told you and I’ll see you guys for your private lessons as usual, okay? Now get out of here, go take a little break, you deserve it!”

That makes the kids cheer, and they’re all jumping up out of their seats, running out the doors. Baekhyun glances over to see that Yixing has moved to sit in the last row, and he’s still watching Baekhyun, eyes so soft, a little smile on his face. Baekhyun sticks his tongue out at him and delights the way it makes Yixing laugh, shaking his head in amusement, then turns to one of the parent’s that comes up to talk to him.

By the time all his students and their parents have filed out of the room, Baekhyun is brimming with energy. Having all the kids together like this makes him excited. They’ve still got lots of work to do, but Baekhyun’s looking forward to the recital in a few months time.

Right now though, he’s looking forward to finally getting his hands on Yixing. He grabs his bag from beside the piano and meets Yixing halfway across the room, sliding his arms around his waist and tipping his face up just enough to touch their lips together. “You look so hot in a suit,” Baekhyun says between their kisses. “I wanted to kiss you the second you came in.”

Yixing makes a little noise of consideration as he laces his hands together at the small of Baekhyun’s back. “You looked like you wanted to do much more than just that,” he teases.

“I was keeping my thoughts PG, okay? I was in teaching-mode,” Baekhyun says.

“And now? What mode are you in?”

“I’m-starving-mode,” Baekhyun says honestly, drawing a laugh out of Yixing. He grins, too, enjoying the way Yixing’s eyes light up and his dimple appears in his cheek. Since it’s there, and since he can now, Baekhyun presses a little kiss against it, too. Yixing only smiles wider at that, holds him tighter. “Can we go eat?”

“That was the plan,” Yixing says, releasing his hands so he can pat Baekhyun’s butt instead. He pulls back, and takes one of Baekhyun’s hands in his and leads him out of the room. “Or did you forget about our date?”

“I would never,” Baekhyun says with mock offense, placing a hand over his chest. It’s true, though, because Baekhyun’s been counting down the days to this date ever since their first one. Despite all of Kyungsoo’s pep talks, Baekhyun was still terribly nervous in the beginning, picking Yixing up at his apartment. But Yixing had greeted Baekhyun with a simple, sweet kiss and all of Baekhyun's nerves had melted away into that tingling pleasure that's become familiar every time they touch. It had been a really nice evening, spent talking about the randomest of things over dinner, really getting to know each other again, and singing along to every song during the musical under their breaths, Yixing's hand holding his over Baekhyun’s thigh.

Yixing invited Baekhyun up to his apartment afterward, mentioning that Baekhyun's never seen it before, and Baekhyun had taken two steps inside before he'd asked, "Is your roommate home?"

"Nope," Yixing had replied, and then he’d pushed Baekhyun back against the closed door and kissed him soundly.

Needless to say, Baekhyun didn't see much of Yixing's apartment until the following morning.

Thinking about it now makes Baekhyun smile, happiness bubbling up inside of him as he follows Yixing out to his car. Yixing catches the look on his face, brows raising curiously, but Baekhyun just laughs softly and shakes his head.

"Come on," Yixing says, as they slide into the car. "What's that look for?"

"I was just remembering our first date," Baekhyun tells him honestly. "Wondering if this one will live up to it."

Yixing snorts. "You have such little faith," he says, but reaches across the center console to squeeze Baekhyun's knee.

"I have faith that you can make it up to me if it doesn't," Baekhyun teases, waggling his brows pointedly at Yixing until he laughs, finally shifts the gear to drive and carefully heads out onto the street.

"You're still insatiable, I see," Yixing says, a little smirk playing at his lips. Like this, behind the wheel, in his fancy suit and nice sunglasses, Yixing looks even hotter than he did when he'd walked into the room earlier. His suit pants cling to his thighs _so_ well, Baekhyun's mouth runs dry at the sight.

"It has been three years," he manages to say. "Can you blame me?"

"No," Yixing says, and he drops his hand back to Baekhyun's knee, slides it up to his thigh. "You're not alone, honestly."

Baekhyun bites his lip to keep from smiling too hard. Instead he takes Yixing's hand in his, laces their fingers together and lets the warmth of his skin fill him up, calm him down. There's plenty of time for more later. Right now, he's just happy to be here with Yixing. "So, where are you taking me?" Baekhyun asks. "Am I underdressed?" He looks down at his usual jeans and t-shirt and back at Yixing's perfect suit. "If we go out like this, you're gonna look like my sugar daddy."

"You'd probably like that," Yixing says and Baekhyun laughs. "Actually, if you don't mind, I was thinking we could stop by my place so I could change. There's a great restaurant just two blocks away where I was hoping to take you, so we can just walk over afterward."

Baekhyun glances out the window. It's still bright and sunny out, a perk of the long summer days, and he thinks walking anywhere with Yixing sounds wonderful. "Maybe this date won't be so terrible," Baekhyun says, and laughs again when Yixing tugs his hand out of Baekhyun's to instead give his thigh a little pinch.

"Is this how it's gonna be, huh?" Yixing questions, but the lighthearted tone of his voice tells Baekhyun he's just teasing.

"You know me," Baekhyun says with a grin. "I have high standards."

Yixing just shakes his head and Baekhyun suspects he's rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses, too. It makes him grin even wider, leaning back in his seat more comfortably and watching the cars they pass on the way back to Yixing's apartment. Silence settles between them, but it's warm and pleasant, the welcoming kind of silence when nothing needs to be said at all.

Baekhyun turns his head to look over at Yixing again, tracing Yixing's profile with his eyes, smiling at the way he drums his fingers across the steering wheel to the beat of some tune only he knows. Just watching him like this fills Baekhyun with happiness, knowing that Yixing is here with him because he wants to be, and because _Baekhyun_ wants him to be. It's not what he guessed was going to happen when he'd run into Yixing again at Jongdae's housewarming party, but now he wouldn't change this outcome for anything.

"Hey," Baekhyun says quietly, "I love you."

Yixing glances over to Baekhyun, and despite his sunglasses hiding his eyes, Baekhyun can feel the surprise radiating off him before it melts away into something much more soft. He glances back at the road before they end up in an accident, but Baekhyun can see the big, bright smile stretching at his lips. He holds his hand out toward Baekhyun, who takes it with his left, lets their fingers tangle together, and Yixing tugs his hand over so he can press a little kiss to Baekhyun's knuckles.

"I love you, too," Yixing says, lowering their joined hands to his lap, thumb rubbing over the soft skin between Baekhyun's thumb and finger. "I love you so much."

Baekhyun smiles, his eyes falling shut in his contentment, his delight. This feels good, this feels _right_. Baekhyun doesn’t know what the future will hold for them, doesn’t know if they will ever return to the same point in their lives as the first time they were together, but even if they don’t, just having the chance to be with Yixing once more is enough. It’s more than enough. They might have plenty of lost time to make up for over the past three years and Baekhyun is looking forward to each and every moment of it.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. thank u to everyone who read this while the fest was running and for all your comments, it seriously means the world to me bc i had such a hard time writing this fic T__T
> 
> 2\. the only character in this fic that really matters is mongryong tbh
> 
> 3\. i don't really have anything else to say but also thanks to the OP for the great prompt. idk if you've read this but i hope u enjoyed;; 
> 
> 4\. JUST THANK YOU TO EVERYONE ❤❤❤❤
> 
> come talk baekxing with me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/xingkais) | [ask.fm](http://ask.fm/koiyake) | [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/xingkais)


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